


Getting to a Place I Never Left

by saucyminx



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-10-13
Updated: 2009-10-13
Packaged: 2017-10-28 05:22:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 42,469
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/304209
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saucyminx/pseuds/saucyminx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Dean awakens he’s in another world, a world of no hunting where he’s happy and living with Sam. The problem is – he remembers another life – but which one is real?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Dean was very familiar with how uncomfortable hotel beds were, which was how he knew before he opened his eyes that he was not in a hotel bed. Everything was a little fuzzy around the edges and he struggled with the memory of yesterday. Or maybe the past couple of days, he wasn't quite sure. What had he been doing last? A case with Sam? Dean wasn't certain but it was most likely far too early to try and figure this all out. It was a lot easier to just shift in the overly comfortable bed and go back to sleep, after all there was just the faintest burn of a headache pressing in on his mind and there was little chance that someone had captured him only to deposit him in a lush bed with fluffy blankets so Dean figured he had to be fairly safe.

As he fell back into shifting dreams, Dean saw the oddest things that were like whispered pictures. Something about Sam, just the vaguest image of... something. Dean couldn't quite figure it out. Maybe someone had hit him hard on the back of his head, that seemed pretty likely.

Sam stretched his long, muscular arms up in the air as he awoke and then rolled into Dean's side and slipped his arm over Dean's chest. His fingers slipped over Dean's nipple, rubbing it gently as he nuzzled into his brother's neck. He loved waking Dean in the mornings; it had taken a full year after they gave up hunting for Dean to be able to sleep unguarded, to actually relax and let himself sleep peacefully. Sam pulled back a little and studied his brother's face; Dean looked tired, nightmare maybe. Running his hand over Dean's chest, down his belly Sam rubbed small circles over his brother's sleep-warmed flesh. He let his hand trail back up over Dean's chest, along his neck, tracing the curve of his Adam's apple, and then rubbed his thumb across his brother's bottom lip. He watched as Dean turned into the touch in his sleep and his mouth twitched into a smile.

Stretching up Sam pressed his lips to Dean's and moaned softly, "time to wake up, Dean." Sam brushed his lips across his brother's, "you smell so good in the mornings."

Things kind of fell together in slow motion until Sam's lips pressed to his and Dean's eyes shot open. He was up and out of bed in a flash, only to realize he was _naked_. "Sam? What the fuck?!" His eyes widened and he snatched at the blanket on the bed, pulling it over his body. It fell from Sam, exposing his own naked flesh. Dean's heart skipped a beat, two beats and he whirled around, taking in the large room with rapidly growing wider eyes.

Sam blinked a few times, looked momentarily puzzled then burst out laughing. "Dean, give it a rest and get your pretty ass in the shower or I'm going to go first and you know how long I take to get ready." Sam stretched again, body arching up off the bed, hand rubbing down the side of his long frame. He looked over to where Dean was still standing with the blanket wrapped around him, "unless," he rolled over on to his side, "you want to come back here and ... be _really_ late for work." He grinned.

Something had obviously possessed Sam. "Christo!" He hollered, watching his brother for any signs of a wince or shudder. There was nothing. Dean looked around the room, taking in the homey feel. There were framed pictures on the wall, landscape shots, artistic shots, and a few of _them_. Dean's eyes shot back to Sam and his eyebrows furrowed. "What is this? Who are you? What have you done to my brother?"

"Dude," Sam chuckled as he slid his long legs off the bed, "okay hero - I'm going to shower first - just don't _bitch_ at me later because you have to rush." As he brushed past Dean, Sam's hand darted out and squeezed his brother's thigh and he leaned down to place an open-mouthed kiss on Dean's shoulder. "I'm leaving the bathroom door open," he tossed back over his shoulder, "in case you want to join me." He was still grinning as he disappeared into the bathroom.

The twisting in his gut had him stumbling backward, falling hard against the wall. He listened to the sound of the shower turning on, Sam humming softly. Dean swallowed thickly and crossed to the dresser. He tore open the top drawer, snagging the first pair of boxers there and tugging them on. The last thing he needed was to be naked in this situation. He needed to find out what was going on. This... made no sense at all. His eyes traced the images on the wall once more, they were leaning together, smiling, laughing. Dean stumbled down the hall, eyes scanning over the signs of a domestic life. A living room with nice furniture, a large TV, a sizable movie collection. More pictures, them on the beach, them with a few girls and guys who must be friends, arms slung over each other casually.

Someone must have gone through a lot of work to create this... world. Could they have brain washed Sam? Was that even a possibility? He stumbled into the kitchen next. A fridge stocked full of food, cabinets with dishes and silverware. It was what you would expect to find in any average house, belonging to any average person. Only there was nothing average about it where Dean was concerned. Cabinet after cabinet he pulled open and there were no weapons, no rock salt, and no signs that they had any protection here at all. The air left Dean's lungs in quick pants and he curled his fingers around the counter top, head spinning. He dipped down for a moment before straightening himself and breathing deep.

"Oh, Dean, I forgot," Sam hollered from the bedroom. He padded down the hallway and into the kitchen, towel slung low around his waist as he rubbed a second towel over his damp hair. "I spoke to Garrett, they're having a BBQ tomorrow night and I said we'd help out - we'll just open the gate again between the yards and use both yards. They always invite too many people!" Sam looked around the kitchen, "you didn't even start the coffee." He leaned into Dean's chest and kissed his forehead, "you don't have a fever." He puttered about the kitchen making coffee and toast. When he slid a cup of coffee on the counter in front of Dean - he noticed his brother still hadn't moved, "Dean, seriously, what's going on? You okay?"

Dean's shoulders were so tense he could hardly move. The rich aroma of the coffee wafted up toward him and he inhaled deeply, taking comfort in something familiar since everything else was anything but. "What the fuck... is this?" He hissed the words, fingers clenching at his sides. "Are you fucking with me Sam? Is this some sort of... sick game?"

Flinching back a little, a hurt expression on his face Sam stared into Dean's eyes. "Dean? What is... what? This isn't funny anymore." Sam stepped into his brother's side and slid his arms around Dean's waist, pulling him close. "I know you're joking, but it scares me when you pretend you don't want... us... don't 'kay?" Sam's lips brushed across Dean's cheek as he whispered the words.

"I..." Dean dragged his tongue across his lips, distinctly aware of Sam's still slightly damp chest against his. He laid a hand on his brother's shoulder and gently pushed him away, stepping back. "I don't know... this isn't... this isn't my world... what do you mean _us_? What... oh fuck I need to sit down." He stumbled to the chair and dropped heavily down onto it.

Sam scrubbed a hand down his face. He was getting pissed off - and he was going to be late for work if Dean didn't stop pissing around. "Dean, are you sick? Or are you just being an asshole?" But, Dean's face was wrong, Sam knew him well enough to know when he was joking around - he just wasn't that good an actor. "Hey," Sam knelt down at Dean's feet looking up into his eyes, "what's wrong?" His fingers curled into Dean's thighs, anxiety wriggling its way into his body

Dean stared down at the fingers on his thighs and bit back the urge to jump up and punch his brother hard in the face. Clearly whatever had done this to them was still using it's mojo on Sam and the last thing Dean wanted was to create more tension between them. It was already something he had to deal with constantly. "Where are we? Sam... God the last thing I remember is heading to Arkansas, there was that creature who was fucking with people... and you had one of those dreams and we were..." Dean scrunched up his face as he tried to pull forth the memory. It was even cloudier now then it had been when he was struggling to wake up. He couldn't remember anything about the creature they'd been hunting, which had him stopping. "It had to be the _thing_. It did something to us. Shit. And you can't remember any of it?"

"Remember?" Sam's voice was soft, shaking a little, "Dean? W... We've been here for... for over a year, Port Angeles - you wanted to be near the ocean and... and... Dean?" Sam pushed his way in between Dean's legs, arms tightening around his brother's waist. "Dean?"

"Uh..." Dean blinked rapidly, torn in half in one split moment. He wanted to protect his brother - like he always wanted too - but Dean was very aware of the fact that he was in boxers and Sam was in a towel and this was very... not good. Still, his arms reached out and circled around Sam slowly as he cleared his throat. "A... year? We've lived... but... we hunt. We don't..." he shook his head and he stared down into Sam's wide, glassy eyes. "Sam... are you... are we... _together_?" He tried not to make the word sound as squeaky as it came out but the idea was so ludicrous, Dean couldn't help it.

Sam's body stiffened, "don't... don't do that," he shook his head, "we _are_ together. You said... it was okay... you said..." Sam's arms fell away from Dean's waist slowly. "D..D..Did you get hurt at work or something, Dean? Maybe get hit on the head." He looked down, his heart in his mouth, "I'm... I'm going to be late for work, do you..." he looked up at Dean, tears welling in his eyes, "do you want me to call in sick and take you to the doctor? Just stay with you?"

"Head. Yeah, I must have... I guess..." He frowned and pushed the chair back, and tangled his hands in his hair. "You, you go to work. I'll be okay. Am I supposed to... do I work? I should stay home." Dean's brain racked over things he could do to fix this. He needed to do research, call Bobby, _something_.

Standing, Sam ran his fingers through his damp hair. "I'll call the shop and tell Dan to take over for the day - gotta be some benefits to being the boss, yeah?" He offered Dean a soft smile. He held out a shaking hand to Dean, "are we okay?"

"What? Uh, sure Sam. Yeah, we're okay," Dean nodded and stared at Sam's hand. This was... this was not good. Somehow Dean had woken up in a world that wasn't his and everything was so upside down he didn't even know where to start freaking out first. For now though, the best thing to do was go along with whatever this was - within reason of course. He needed to figure things out without drawing much more attention to the fact that he was in over his head. Stepping forward he let his hand fall into Sam's and brought him forward. No matter what, this was still his brother, and Dean could find comfort in wrapping his arms around him in a firm hug. Even if they were still both shirtless which was... awkward.

Sam let out a sigh and buried his face in Dean's hair. "Don't _do_ that again - I ..." his voice trailed off as he pulled back. Smiling he licked his bottom lip and then leaned in for a kiss, slow and lazy, his tongue running teasingly over Dean's bottom lip. "Okay, I'm gonna go get dressed." He stepped away from Dean shaking his head and moved quickly down the hallway to get ready. Monica was going to kill Sam if he was late for work; she had a big case to try and had called Sam away from all his other projects to do the majority of her research. His brother... well, ever since they decided to make a life for themselves - there was _never_ a dull moment - that was for sure. He pressed his lips together, and searched through his clothes till he found a nice shirt. He chuckled quietly to himself as he got dressed.

The taste of Sam's lips on his had Dean rooted to the spot, staring shell shocked at the fridge. He needed the coffee, badly. The burning liquid was like fire down his throat and Dean finished the mug in several large gulps. His eyes shot open as the warmth settled in the pit of his stomach. Sam and he... were together. In a together, together type way that involved sharing a bed and kisses and _showers_. Dean had never thought, well, he had entertained the idea but no it wasn't like that. It was just the occasional thing that really only came up because they spent 24/7 together and Dean didn't get out enough.

Dean seriously needed to figure out what was going on because he was fairly certain loosing his mind was the next step down this crazy path he'd somehow woken up on. As he headed down the hall toward the bedroom, he sorted through what would be the most important things to establish, tried to get his mind into case mode. Leaning against the door frame he watched his brother straightening his tie in the mirror. Dean swallowed, taking in the nice dress suit. "Do you always dress so nice for work?" He asked softly.

Sam flashed a crooked grin at Dean. "I know, it's the suit you like - Monica has a big job and has pulled me off all my other jobs to work on site. Gotta look good for all the _real_ lawyers." He brushed some lint of the lapel of his jacket. "Do I look okay?"

"Yeah," Dean nodded and folded his arms across his chest. "So you do research? That's... good. And you like it? The research?" He worried his lower lip and until Sam gave him worried eyes once more. "I think I must have hit my head or something, things seem a little... fuzzy."

"S'okay," Sam walked over and rubbed his hands down Dean's chest, "you're always whacking your head at work - you get too focused on those damn cars. You should have opened a regular shop instead of one for hot rods. You love those cars too much." He grinned and brushed Dean's hair back from his forehead. "How about - I get take out tonight - after work and we watch a zombie movie, drink beer and laugh about how inaccurate it is? Sound good?"

"I own a hot rod shop?" Dean mumbled softly before shaking his head and looking up into Sam's eyes. "I mean, yeah. Take out. Zombie movie. That sounds great." He nodded and scrubbed a hand across his hair. "So um, hey is Dad... did... did dad..." He wet his lips and frowned. "Dad's still, or… he died right?"

Sam blew out a breath, "that's it - I'm taking you to the Dr. I'll call Monica and explain that you've been hurt." Sam pulled his phone out of his pocket.

"No Sam, I'm fine," Dean reached out and laid a hand across Sam's hand. There was nothing a doctor was going to be able to do to help with this situation. But obviously their father had died. If Sam said they lived here for little over a year, then it would have happened shortly after his death. Okay, that was something; he at least had a time line. He tried to smile reassuringly at Sam when they locked eyes. "Honest. I'm fine."

"Okay, then kiss me - so I know you're good," Sam smiled at his brother.

Obviously Dean had trained Sam too well. It was just like him to test the situation. His heart thudded unpleasantly and he stepped forward quickly, better to just get it over with. He pressed his lips against Sam's quickly, mouth tight, before pulling back. "See? M'fine."

"Nope, that wasn't a kiss - Kiss me like you do when you know I'm going to be gone all day," his fingers slipped under the waistband of Dean's boxers, "you know, like how you're going miss me?" He blinked and leaned in.

It was the kind of thing Dean only thought of in the pitch black of night, when the clock was edging closer to morning and further from evening and Dean could pretend it wasn't there. This was his _brother_ and in this world, apparently, his... lover. Dean swallowed thickly and glanced toward the window. It wasn't night, it was bright and sunny and Dean was still in his boxers. Slowly he dragged his tongue across his lips before stepping in. Dean forced his hand not to shake as he slid his hand around Sam's neck, tangling in his hair and dragging him down. Their lips brushed together softly for a moment before he opened his mouth and snaked his tongue forward. Sam's mouth opened willingly to his touch, tongue sliding against his with practiced familiarity. He stepped in more, bodies coming flush together, and Dean circled his tongue around Sam's mouth like he had with so many other people. Only it was so very different and Dean tightened his fingers in Sam's hair.

A soft moan escaped Sam's mouth as he opened his lips for Dean, his hands slipped down to cover his brother's hips. Dean always bitched about Sam's long hair but he knew he would never let him cut it - and Sam _loved_ the feel of Dean's fingers tangled in his mess of hair. He let himself warm to the kiss, heart racing in his chest, _only_ Dean could do that to him. Pulling away reluctantly, Sam nipped Dean's bottom lip and rolled his hips forward into his brother's. "Mmmm, okay, better." He pressed his forehead to Dean's, breath coming harder and faster than it was before the kiss. "Okay, I... uh... have to uh work now, yeah, that's it." He pulled back and smiled, "God... I _love_ kissing you. I'll text you and let you know when I'm coming home with dinner." He pulled out of Dean's arms and grabbed his keys off the counter, "I'll take the Camero - see you tonight." He moved quickly down the hallway, smiling as he slipped out the front door.

Swallowing around the taste of Sam still lingering in his mouth, Dean vaguely registered the front door closing. "Alright..." he breathed shakily and looked around the bedroom. Heat pooled low in his stomach and he looked down at himself with wide eyes. Okay, being turned on by kissing his brother? Dean was past the point of being surprised. Deep dark thoughts he'd always stashed away pushed up to the surface of his mind and he shook his head. Maybe whatever put him here was trying to kill him by making his brain explode with _too much_.

Dean decided a shower was the best way to start the whole, figuring this shit out thing. The water was hot and soothing and Dean made quick work of jerking himself off, not stopping to think about the fact that the kiss from before was the only thing to help him along. He'd get to that later, or maybe he wouldn't even have too. It wasn't hard to find his clothes in the room. They weren't all that different from what he'd wear normally, just more selection. Dean pulled on a pair of comfortable looking jeans and a t-shirt.

He spent the first part of the morning combing through the house. It was exactly the type of place Dean imagined he would have lived in, should he ever stop hunting. Nice furniture, impressive collection of movies and music, a desk in the living room set up with a computer and home phone. The other bedroom was fashioned as a guest room, which had Dean wondering if they ever had guests. Who would come visit them? A thorough scan of the room told Dean that Sam and he shared practically everything. Same shampoo, same toothpaste, hell there was only one drawer for underwear. Who _did_ that?

For a moment his attention was distracted by the window. When he looked out he could see what appeared to be a typical suburban neighborhood, and past that, the ocean. Dean's heart soared in his chest. This... this couldn't possibly be his life. A house, an ocean view, fucking coasters on the coffee table. At some point Dean made himself a sandwich, though he hardly tasted it, just ate it out of sheer necessity. Then he headed back to the living room to scan the shelves built into the wall.

Most were filled with books, then the movies, the music, but a few shelves down Dean's eyes landed on a photo album. His fingers curled around it and he crossed to the couch, stretching his legs across the cushions before bringing up the book and flipping it open. The first picture was of him and Sam at Bobby's, maybe days after their father's death. Dean stared at it with narrowed eyes because it was so familiar and so different at the same time. Sam's arm was around his shoulder, a small smile on his lips, their heads tilted together as they looked at the camera. Dean wasn't smiling in the shot but there was something dancing along the corner of his lips like the suggestion of a smile.

He considered it for a moment longer, then the picture below, Dean leaning against the guard rail, beer in his fingers. Just from the look in his eyes Dean could tell he must of just warned Sam not to take a picture. It made Dean snort because it was so very like Sam to have taken the picture anyway. The next few pictures were in various places, the Grand Canyon, Mount Rushmore, _Disneyland_. Dean had no recollection of visiting these places, which was too bad because Sam looked so _happy_ and - when he studied his own face - he looked just about the same.

Then the pictures transitioned to something much more... intimate. A half a shot mostly blurred, of Sam kissing his cheek, the next of his lips. The pictures were too close, shaky, as if Sam had turned the camera around to catch the shot. The next was more focused, as if Sam had taken his time to get the best angle. The man was curled in his lap, face nuzzled into Dean's neck but Dean could make out just the edge of his lips lifted up, cheeks dimpled. When his eyes landed on the next one, Dean's heart lurched in his chest.

His hands were curled around Sam protectively and he was looking at his brother like there was no one else in the world that he'd rather be looking at. Sam was holding out the camera, edge of his arm just barely visible on the edge of the frame, and he was smiling so bright and wide Dean couldn't even fathom that his cheeks could stretch so far. It took him longer then it should have to turn the page but when he did, he found himself staring at his naked form in a hotel bed, blankets pooled across his waist lower enough to show the jut of his hip bone. He was fast asleep, hair tussled, and there was the distinct ring of a bruise below his nipple.

Dean swallowed at the suggestion.

The following pages seemed to display the transition to this place. A shot of them standing in front of the 'Welcome to Port Angeles' sign. A shot in front of the house that Dean assumed was the one he was in now. One in front of an auto body shop that must be Dean's. There's a whole series of ones with them on the beach, arms slung around hips, looking just like the average couple. It seemed like they had a perfect life and Dean wondered automatically what the catch was. Besides not hunting, obviously, which Dean could hardly believe that he gave up. But for this... well... it almost seemed to make sense.

The last three pages of the photo album were much more intimate and Dean took his time staring at each one. They were taken in their bedroom; boxes still lined the walls as if they'd just recently moved in. The first was Sam, tucked under the blankets and giving Dean and the camera a look that was definitely saying 'come hither.' The next was off angled again, Dean's face barely caught in the bottom right hand corner of the picture. Sam's face was too close, over exposed, wide smile and crinkled cheeks. Below it there was Sam resting on Dean's bare chest. Dean could see his fingers curled in the mop of Sam's hair and as his eyes trace down, they landed on Sam's tongue snaking out between parted lips, resting against Dean's nipple.

Dean's breath hitched in his throat at the sight. He couldn't believe that they kept these here, out in the open where anyone could see. The next one - shit, the next one was the edge of his hips, so low Dean was surprised you couldn't see his... and Sam's fingers were there, ghosting along the smooth flesh. And then... Dean couldn't look any further, just saw a flash of hard flesh and Sam's lips and _really_ he couldn't believe Sam and he agreed to keep these in a photo album that sat out for anyone to be able to look at.

Shaking his head, Dean flipped back through the book to the ones of him and Sam in the motel room before they came to this city. He stared at each one so long his eyes nearly hurt. And he didn't even realize he drifted off to sleep until he was dreaming. There was just the vaguest image of a motel room - like the thousands of the ones he'd stayed in before - of Sam sitting beside him on the mattress, saying his name softly and stroking his forehead. Dean wondered if it was a memory returning to the surface, maybe this _was_ his life and he really had hit his head.

Sam yawned as he came through the back door of the house, he was starving and the food he had picked up smelled really good. He dropped the bags on the counter, kicked his shoes off and wandered into the living room while he loosened his tie. He smiled when his eyes found Dean asleep on the couch, photo album clutched to his chest. Dean's brow was furrowed slightly.

He walked over and grinned down at his brother. "Hey, bro," Sam kneeled down beside the couch and ran his fingers gently through Dean's hair, "hey, sleepyhead." He leaned down and kissed the corner of Dean's mouth, free hand resting on the photo album, and then when Dean only made a sleepy sound he nuzzled into Dean's ear. "Wake up lovely man..." Dean must be exhausted; usually it was easier for Sam to wake him up. Sam slipped the photo album out of his brother's grasp and grinned; pulling Dean's t-shirt up slightly so he could lean down and kiss his belly. His lips moved softly across Dean's abs, sucking, kissing, licking and his hand slipped just under the edge of Dean's waistband.

Dean stirred slightly, hips rolling against the cushion. "Mmm Sammy..." he mumbled, loosing himself in the fuzzy edges of a dream.

Sucking Dean's warm flesh into his mouth, Sam ran his tongue along it as he felt the blood pull up towards the surface. Dean loved it when Sam left his mark on him - said it was proof that he belonged to Sam. When his lips popped free of Dean's flesh there was a nice purple mark forming and Sam smiled at the little moans Dean made in his sleep.

Warm pleasure spiraled through him and Dean shifted, rolling onto his side as his eyes slowly fluttered open. He looked down at Sam with a warm smile, "Hey Sam..." then everything caught up with him like a punch to his gut and he jumped up, nearly flying off the couch. "Uh Sam. Sam. Hi." He fumbled over the words, lifting his shirt to look down at the space on his flesh that was still thrumming softly.

Sam raised his hand slightly, startled and worried he was about to be leapt on when Dean launched himself off the couch. "Jesus, Dean... relax - I was just waking you up for dinner." He pushed up off the floor and scratched his head trying to calm down. "I'm sorry, didn't mean to startle you."

"It was... I was having a dream is all," He cleared his throat and looked around them. Right, still in the house with all the signs of normality except the whole, being with his brother thing. "Dinner? Good I'm starving. How was work?" He tried for casual. It hadn't really occurred to him that he had no idea how the Dean of this world acted. Was he nicer? More funny? Sweeter? Could Dean even be those things?

Smiling softly, Sam sighed. "Okay," he reached out and slipped his fingers into Dean's hand, tugging him toward the kitchen. "I got burgers, fries _and_ onion rings for you from your favorite diner. And I don't want a word about how it doesn't fit into my healthy eating plan. I thought you would like it... you know as a treat." He grinned as he shoved Dean down into one of the chairs at the kitchen table, "Sit, I'll get everything out." He moved over to the bags and started pulling wrapped food and containers out of them. "Just the way you like it," he unwrapped a huge burger and left it on the paper, "double, cheeseburger with one pickle and extra onions, _not_ on a sissy plate." He dumped the burger in front of Dean and went back over to rustle around in the bag some more. When he returned to the table a second time he had fries and onion rings in boxes and spread everything out in front of his brother.

He pulled out a second chair and sat, scooting the chair over closer to Dean so he could tuck his foot under Dean's ass. "So - what did you do today?" He took a bite.

Dean stared at Sam for a moment before looking down at his food. This was surreal on a level Dean couldn't comprehend and really, he was getting a bit fed up with everything being so confusing. It was like he was plopped down in the middle of the movie and was trying rapidly to catch up on the more important plot details before the characters moved on without him. "Um... I showered. And walked around. Looked at pictures. And well... took a nap." He shrugged and brought the burger to his mouth, trying not to squirm against the foot tucked under his ass.

Sam put his burger down and reached out to rub Dean's arm. “You feeling any better?"

"Uh huh," Dean nodded, swallowing the half chewed bit of burger roughly and coughing. "Drink?" He gasped around the piece of food.

Sam pushed up from his chair and grabbed a bottle of water out of the fridge, untwisted the cap and handed it to Dean. "You good?"

Dean drank from the bottle in large gulps, finally dropping it to the table when more than half the contents were gone. "Much." He smiled up at Sam for a moment before turning to the food in front of him. He was suddenly starving and he tucked into the burger with renewed interest, moaning softly as the flavor worked its way across his mouth. "Mmm," He carried out the noise, sucking his thumb into his mouth to clean off a large dollop of sauce that had fallen on his skin. "S'really good." He mumbled around the index finger he slid between his lips next.

Sam's expression went from slightly worried to amused and he picked up his burger again. "You know, you make a lot of the same noises when you suck me off - I don't know why but I find that absolutely hilarious." He grinned and took a huge bit of his burger, chewing noisily.

Once more Dean found himself choking on his burger, snatching at the bottle and draining the liquid. "Jesus Sammy," he gasped, tears prickling the rims of his eyes from the exertion. "I'm tryin’ to eat."

Sam managed to suppress his grin down to a smirk as he polished off the rest of his burger. "Okay, no more sex talk during your food orgy." He tossed the paper from his burger down on the table. "I'm stuffed - I'm gonna go and get out of this suit." He slid his chair back and stood, leaning down to plant a kiss on the top of Dean's head. "Oh," he called out over his shoulder, "the zombie movies are on the counter and I got beer - can your throw it in the fridge?"

Sam wandered down the hall, unbuttoning his shirt as he went. Dean seemed to have improved a little since the morning but Sam had already decided he was going to stick to Dean like glue all weekend and make sure he was alright. If he wasn't acting one hundred per cent normal by Monday he was going to the doctor.

He yanked his shirt off and tossed it in the laundry hamper then stepped out of his dress slacks. "Oh shit! Dean!" he yelled out, as he stepped out of his boxers. "C'mere a second!"

Dean was halfway toward the living room with the movies when Sam hollered for him. He dropped the movies without a second’s hesitation and darted down the hallway, skidding to a halt two steps passed the threshold. "What Sa..." He trailed off as his eyes fixated on the naked form of his brother. He was just slightly less built from the Sam of his world, muscles smaller but almost better, less intimidating for sure. His hair was certainly longer, skin tanner, features so much happier it threw Dean. He swallowed thickly and only let his eyes dart to Sam's crotch once before fixing resolutely on his hazel eyes. "Sam..."

Sam smiled as he hopped around trying to get into his sweats. "I totally forgot to tell you, Bobby called me today - he wants us to drive up for Thanksgiving. Says he'll cook you a turkey and apple pie if you _try_ to keep your hands off me during dinner." Sam laughed and finally managed to tug his sweats up. "I think he's still psychologically scarred from walking in on us the last time we were there." He shuffled towards Dean and pressed his body tight against his brother's. "Wanna go watch the zombie movie and make out?"

"Bobby knows?" Dean breathed and finished the thought mentally, _and I'm still alive?_. When Sam's look turned confused again Dean smiled. "Right, zombie movie and uh..." he wet his lips. Making out. God, screw being dropped in the middle of movie, he'd been dropped in the middle of some fucked up cinemax incest porn. Did they even make those? All the times Dean had looked he hadn't found any. His eyes widened as the thought crossed his mind, not that he'd ever _intentionally_ looked, but they did visit a lot of motels.

He followed Sam slowly down the hall toward the living room, heading to the TV when Sam asked him to put the movie on. He retrieved the DVD case from the ground and stared down at the DVD player. Only there were three different machines and one looked just as complicated as the other. "Uh..." he stared down at them. What the fuck was a Blu-Ray? His eyes darted up when Sam came back in the room with two beers. "How does this shit work?"

Laughing Sam handed Dean his beer and grabbed the DVD, "Dude - if you lived on your own you'd be one of those guys who's stove is constantly flashing the wrong time because you don't know how to set it." Sam grabbed two remotes, pushed three different buttons then slid the disc into the top machine and tossed Dean the TV remote. "Can you handle turning the TV on?" His smile was wide, all teeth and dimples, he loved Dean so much sometimes, it made his heart ache.

"Yes I can handle turning on the TV," Dean scoffed and rolled his eyes, "and if I lived on my own I wouldn't need a stove clock, that's what watches are for." He snorted in laughter and hit the power button on the remote Sam had tossed him. Sam was laughing and the noise was so warm, it made Dean's heart ache. He couldn't remember the last time he heard Sam laugh so open and cheerful. This Sam was so... happy. Happy not hunting, happy living with Dean and being a researcher for a lawyer's firm. Dean never should have taken Sam out of college. Obviously this life was good for his brother. A frown tugged his lips down as he thought about the Sam he knew, how rarely he smiled now a days, how his dad had told him there may come a time when Sam wouldn't even be human anymore. That clearly wasn't this Sam.

Sam flopped down on the couch beside Dean, leaned over and rested his head on Dean's thigh. He aimed the largest of the three remotes at the TV and started the movie. "You've probably seen this one, but who cares, it's all a ruse to get you alone on the couch anyway." He leaned back against Dean's stomach. "Comfy?"

"Uh yeah," Dean cleared his throat, hands hovering up in the air for a moment before one fell to his thigh and the other rested awkwardly on Sam's shoulder. The screen flashed to a DVD menu that was red for a moment before zombies ran across the screen. "Oh 28 Days Later? I love this movie. Why don't we own this? We should own this." His face lit up with a grin as Sam hit the play button.

Rolling his eyes, Sam reached out and set the remote down on the table in front of them. "If I fall asleep wake me up when it's done." He reached up and threaded his finger through Dean's where it rested on his shoulder. He was tired, ten hours of straight research and staring at the screen killed him every time - even though he loved the work. It was so much better than the old days. This was the kind of hunting that Sam could live with.

It was nice to lose himself in a movie and forget about the fact that Dean had completely no idea why or how he came to be in this place. The action had him sucked in by the time the first monkey infected rage on the girl and Dean settled further back into the couch, getting comfortable. Sam slid down his body and snuggled into his lap at some point and Dean's body remained tense for at least ten minutes until he managed to calm himself. A hand came to rest on Sam's head, stroking the hair softly.

The touch seemed so... natural, Dean actually found himself surprised that he'd never had it before today. He tried not to let himself get lost in thought again, after all he was fairly certain his brain was going to break down from overload. Chances were this world was the result of that creature he couldn't remember and the real Sam was moments away from saving him. And if that were true, if this were all going to be over at any moment, then Dean didn't see why he couldn't just enjoy it while he had it. Maybe then he'd get that haunting _want_ in the back of his mind to go away and he'd never have to consider how fucked up a brother he was to want Sam in physical ways.

Dean didn't even realize the movie was over until the credits had stopped and the screen had shifted to the DVD menu once more. "Sammy?" He said softly, dragging his hand through Sam's hair then down his back, rubbing the muscles firmly. "Movie is over." Touching Sam wasn't a hard thing. The man felt like he fit beneath his palms. "Time for bed Sam," He pulled his brother up a little, ducking to gaze into sleepy eyes.

Sam's eyes blinked open slowly. "Hi," he murmured, voice thick with sleep "is it time to go to work?"

Chuckling softly, Dean shook his head and pushed up off the couch, tugging Sam up with him. "No, it's time to go to bed." He smiled and pushed the hair out of Sam's face.

Leaning into Dean's shoulder Sam slipped his warm hand into Dean's and started walking towards the bedroom. "Let's go then," he mumbled.

"Yeah," Dean nodded and walked with Sam, nerves building up in him. This would be the time above all that Sam might realize something was really wrong. But the man was obviously tired so maybe it wouldn't be so weird to just head straight to bed. He hit the light with his elbow as he stepped inside, releasing Sam when he was certain his brother could hold himself up. His fingers worked at the button and zipper on his fly as he crossed the room to the side of the bed he'd woken on that morning.

Dropping down to sit on the edge of the bed, Sam wriggled out of his sweats and crawled into the bed turning to face Dean, "hurry up - getting cold." He mumbled into his pillow as he flipped the quilt back for Dean.

Swallowing thickly, Dean pushed out of the jeans and kicked them to side. He crossed the room once more and flipped off the light before walking slowly to the bed and climbing under the blanket. His heart was already racing and his mind circled through things he could say to Sam to turn him down without completely crushing his spirit.

As soon as the mattress dipped under Dean's weight Sam scooted over to him without even opening his eyes. Slinging his arm over Dean's chest and his legs over his brother's thighs Sam pressed up as close to Dean as he could. He nuzzled closer to Dean's neck, "how was your movie?" His lips moved on Dean's warm flesh and he sucked at the skin lazily while he waited for Dean to answer.

Dean's skin prickled under Sam's lips and Dean fought to keep himself rooted to the spot. "It was... good." He whispered, almost unconsciously tilting his head to the side to grant Sam more access.

Sam left a train of small kisses down his brother's neck as he settled his head on Dean's chest, fingers moving in small circles on the warm skin of his belly. "M'glad - sorry I fell asleep - was a long day." Sam groaned and nipped Dean's chest gently as he pressed his body against Dean's "See what you do to me? Even when I'm exhausted?" He rocked his hips against Dean's thigh a few times, his semi-rigid cock rubbing against Dean's warm skin. "You're lucky I'm tired." He chuckled and tipped his face up to his brother's - "kiss," he whispered.

Dean's breath came in shallow puffs and he wet his lips, wondering at what point his heart was going to burst out of his chest. Sliding his eyes closed he tilted his head to the side and let his lips brush against Sam's. He was just about to pull away until Sam's tongue darted across his lips and Dean felt he had no choice but to suck the muscle into his mouth, dragging his teeth along it softly. He could feel the hard burn of Sam's crotch against his thigh and a moan that nearly surprised him traveled into Sam's mouth. Giving in to temptation, Dean thrust his tongue against Sam's, fighting for dominance as he shifted his thigh just slightly against Sam's body.

Giving up control of the kiss to Dean willingly, Sam settled into the crook of his brother's arm and moved his mouth and tongue slowly savoring the taste and feel. He moaned quietly into Dean's warm mouth letting his hips roll and grind gently against his brother's hot body; Sam was chilled for some reason and Dean felt like a furnace - it was good. Sam bit gently on Dean's bottom lip as he thrust slowly against his brother's firm muscle.

Heat pooled in the pit of his stomach and Dean groaned. Why Sam grinding against his leg was suddenly the hottest thing Dean had ever experienced, he didn't know, but it was pretty safe to say that Dean's brain had stopped functioning on a higher level. He sucked on Sam's tongue as if pulling some sanity from it and let his hand tangle in Sam's long hair. _Fuck. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong._ His mind chanted and he pulled back from the kiss with a gasp, eyes snapping open to stare at Sam.

Lashes fluttering open as his brother pulled away, Sam smiled softly, "you tired too?"

"Yeah," Dean nodded softly, letting his hand fall from Sam's hair as his breath returned to something normal.

Sam laughed softly and nestled back into his brother shoulder slipped his arm across Dean's hip. "Mmmm," his voice was already thick with sleep again as his wrist settled on Dean's hard length. "Rain check," Sam whispered as his breathing evened out and he drifted off to sleep.

It took Dean at least an hour to get the heat to fade from his crotch and even then he remained distinctly aware of Sam's arm across him until he finally drifted off to sleep several hours later. He fell almost instantly into dreams of Sam's soothing voice telling him it was all going to be okay, that things would be right soon. In his sleep Dean tightened his arms around Sam's body as if he knew when he woke that the man would be in his own bed in some motel room, on some hunt of a creature that had given him one insane dream.


	2. Chapter 2

The first thing Dean was aware of the second morning he woke was the warm heat against his side. Or more precisely, half sprawled across him. Sam's leg was bent across his leg, knee resting right about his crotch and Dean realized with a flush of heat that he was mostly hard. In truth he had been mostly hard for the past twenty four hours and he was still stuck in this world, only Dean's loosing the reasons why that's a bad thing. So here were the facts. Dean was not dreaming, because seriously, do you dream while you dream? He could follow that trail of thought but one rabbit trail led to another and the next thing he knew his bunny of a thought was getting hit by a semi. Case in point.

So if he _was_ dreaming it was the most realistic thing he'd ever been part of. And this wasn't the Sam from his world because this Sam looked different and was well, spooned against him and Dean was fairly certain he could feel his own half interested morning wood. That and he was sure they'd never been to Port Angeles before. So it seemed pretty obvious that there wasn't really a way to _fix_ this. Dean had done some pretty serious investigating around the house yesterday and he'd found nothing that looked like a talisman or whatever the fuck that could keep him bound to this world. And this was _Sam_.

The thought had his eyes popping open. He _thought_ it was Sam. But what if it was some shape shifter or something? Someone's twisted idea of a joke? Oh god he was an idiot, he should have thought of it before. Well, it wasn't likely he was a shape shifter, even a good shape shifter couldn't fabricate pictures like the ones in the photo album, but maybe some sort of witch or something. He needed to test Sam's memories but in a subtle way. "Sammy? You awake?"

"Mmffm," was all that came out of Sam's mouth even though he had tried to answer.

Dean ran a slow hand down Sam's back, thinking of the best way to phrase a question without raising too much more suspicion. "Hey remember that Christmas when you first found out about dad? When you gave me that gift you got for him?"

Sam's hand felt up across Dean's chest until his fingers curled around the talisman his brother always wore; he nodded against Dean, "mmhmmm."

"Do you remember what you gave me?" Dean asked softly, rubbing Sam's back.

Sam frowned without opening his eyes and shook the talisman then let his hand fall back on Dean's chest.

Dean chuckled softly and nodded even though Sam couldn't see him. "Do you remember what I got you?"

"Girl shit..." Sam flopped his hand over Dean's mouth, "shhhhh go to sleep."

What Dean had to decide now was whether this was enough to prove that Sam was really Sam. He made a mental list like the Sam he knew would have done. He wasn't possessed, that was clear. And he definitely wasn't a shape shifter. _And_ it seemed pretty unlikely that any one impersonating Sam could recall memories from so long ago at a moment’s notice. What the hell did that mean then? That this was real. That the world he was in was real and he and his brother were lovers. Dean untangled himself from Sam's body and climbed out of bed. He needed coffee, and a strong drink, maybe a strong drink in his coffee. A soft sigh fell from his lips and he buried his head in his hands.

Sam growled softly as Dean pulled away from him and flailed an arm out to find his brother's back. "What's wrong? Can't sleep?"

"Weird dream," Dean mumbled and rubbed his neck, pushing completely off the bed and heading toward the window. He leaned against the frame and stared out at the ocean. What the hell was he supposed to do? Was there any option besides just living this life until something presented itself?

Sam forced his eyes open and peered over at Dean's back for a few moments before slipping almost silently out of bed and padded over to stand behind his brother. He slipped his arms around Dean's chest and rested his head on the other man's shoulder; the ocean was rough and the white caps were beautiful. "What's wrong, Dean? Talk to me."

Dean leaned back into Sam's arms because it felt like the right thing to do and he soaked in his comfort. "I just feel... off. Don't worry, I'm okay. Do I have to work today?" He turned to look at him over his shoulder, wetting lips that seemed to be constantly dry as of late.

Sam laughed softly and let his arms slip down to Dean's waist. "No working till Tuesday remember? Come back to bed," he purred against Dean's ear, "I can make you feel better."

"I'm gross," Dean said with a shrug and walked past the bed to the bathroom. "Need a shower. Make some coffee? And I wouldn't say no to an omelet." He smiled at Sam for a moment before turning his eyes away.

"Dean?" Sam's voice was soft.

Dean stopped in his path and let his hand fall on the hard wood frame of the door. "Yeah Sam?" He asked the floor, head tilted just slightly to the side.

"Are you still happy?" Sam looked out the window at the rough waves, "with me, I mean?"

This had Dean back tracking, turning and crossing to the window in a few quick steps. "Sammy..." he breathed, hands hovering on either side of Sam's shoulders for a moment before he brought them down and squeezed the muscles. "You're the only person I want to spend my life with." It was the truth, and he would have said it regardless if the Sam he was saying it to was real. Of course he'd never really thought it could be like this but... well... this wasn't that terrible really. And if the only con was having a physical relationship with his little brother, Dean figured he got pretty lucky.

"Okay," Sam nodded but didn't turn to face Dean. Things were a little off with his brother, maybe he was stressed at work - or maybe Sam had been too clingy. He worried about that sometimes, Dean never complained but Sam worried that he was too much for his brother. "Sorry..." he murmured to the window pane.

Oh, fuck it. Dean was obviously stuck in this world, whether he wanted to be or not - he wasn't voicing an opinion on the subject yet - and he could do several things with it. Continue skirting around things only to muck up what seemed to be a fantastic relationship he and Sam had - obviously one better than the one he had with the real Sam. Or... he could give in. Could embrace it and take everything it had to offer. Every picture led to suggest he was pretty happy - outrageously so even - and Dean couldn't really remember the last time he was happy. So he turned Sam's shoulders, spinning him round and pushing him to the side so he could shove his brother against the wall beside the window and crush their lips together. Anything to make Sam happy again, and really, Dean wasn't complaining that much.

Sam gasped into Dean's mouth; he loved when Dean threw him around it sent little shocks of want through his body. His hands settled on his brother hips, his favorite spot; right over his brother's hipbone. It was the spot that meant everything - the spot he never touched _before_ \- the line between _then_ and what they had _now_. Sam opened his mouth wide and surrendered to the kiss, feeling it all the way down his spine.

The way Sam gave in so easily to Dean was almost as hot as the flicker of their tongues. His eyes slid closed and he shifted forward, sliding his hips against Sam's and gasping into the kiss. Dean had never done this with a man, never shared kisses and rubbed cocks but he had thought of doing this with Sam on more than one occasion and actually doing it... "Sam." He breathed as he pulled his lips back. Their foreheads fell together, "do you... want...?" He'd let Sam choose and go from there, having completely no idea what their _sex_ life was like.

"Yes, I want..." Sam's voice was thick and rough, his hands moved urgently on Dean's skin, "I want you to fuck me... I _always_ want you to fuck me Dean." He trembled against his brother, letting his hands fall to his sides.

"Jesus," Dean gasped, knees dipping slightly. Only in his dirtiest, darkest fantasies did he imagine being with his brother in that way. Now the idea flashed to the front of his mind and he took a shaky breath. It was definitely going to take some time before he could do that without letting Sam realize how different he was. "I really... want… that..." he breathed and swallowed thickly. "Only my head's still a little sore and the last thing I want is to pass out on you." He chuckled softly and reached up to trail his fingers slowly down Sam's cheek. "Maybe... can we just... uh... I don't know, maybe lay in the bed for awhile? I still want a shower but we can wait, I can wait."

"Yeah, of course," Sam's brow furrowed, "I forgot about your head - I'm sorry." He slipped his hand into Dean's, "come on," he tugged him back to the bed and climbed in holding the cover back for Dean. He waited until Dean climbed back into bed and then pulled him across his body tucking his brother's head into the crooked of his neck. He stroked Dean's hair and temple, fingers running gently over the skin, rubbing away any pain that might be there. "Better?" he whispered against Dean's dirty blond locks.

"Much," Dean murmured and shifted until he was comfortable on the bed. Every part of him was tense and that could only be due to the constant slam of thoughts against his brain. From now on Dean was just going to go with the flow, see where things led him. Lest he suffer complete brain implosion. "So uh... you said something about a barbeque today?"

"Yeah," his fingers moved down to Dean's shoulder and worked on the tense muscles there, "Garrett and Paul are having a party - and they wondered about setting the BBQ and food in our yard - Paul wants _you_ to be in charge of the grill. He says you're the most manly out of all of us and should be the one in charge of fire. I argued." Sam grinned into his brother's hair, fingers still working down Dean's back.

Dean moaned softly and shifted under Sam's touch. "Well, if the shoe fits," Dean chuckled and rubbed his head against Sam's flesh, letting his lips rest against the skin. He could really get used to this, cuddling with his brother. It felt... good. There was still that burning need in his crotch though. Dean needed a shower if he was going to make it through the day. As he shifted his hips, they fell against Sam's leg and he shifted forward for more pressure, biting his lower lip.

Smiling, Sam was glad to feel Dean relaxing against him. He rubbed his hands further down Dean's back, kneading the muscles in the small of his back. "Big knot..." he whispered into Dean's hair and he worked the tightness out with strong hands, "doesn't hurt does it?"

"No," Dean whispered and slid his body further up. This time he managed to roll his hips down into Sam's thigh and groan.

"S'okay," Sam murmured, letting his palms rest flat against Dean's back, "just relax." His hands moved all over Dean's back, small circles, then down his sides and back up again, drifting over the curve of his ass then settling again in the dip of the small of his back, "s'okay."

"Yeah," Dean agreed and pushed up, raising his head to brush a gentle kiss against Sam's lips. "Sam." He whispered into his brother's lips, eyes half lidded as he stared down into them. He didn't even know where to begin with what he wanted and he wondered how long it would take for him to accept that this could happen.

Sam just smiled, he knew sometimes that Dean couldn't get the words out but it didn't matter. He knew his brother's heart, had known it his whole life. "Love you," he whispered and let his arms slide around Dean's back as far as they would go, pressing his brother tight against him.

Dean swallowed and gazed down into hazel eyes. This wasn't a lie either so the words came easily. "Love you too." He smiled softly and rested his forehead against Sam's. "So um, Garrett and Paul... they... how much do they know about us?" He knew the question would probably raise Sam's suspicions again so he added. "It feels like my mind is all over the place, sorry."

"Goof," Sam's lips brushed against Dean's, "same as everyone, met at a garage when you worked on my Camero, took your last name when we had a civil commitment ceremony." He grinned. "Too bad we lied about that we could have done a real one and had friends and a party and gifts!" He rubbed his nose against Dean's. "I would have made you run the BBQ for that too."

Dean felt a wave of relief, though he knew he shouldn't be that surprised. Neither he nor Sam were stupid enough to tell people anything about their real life, and he highly doubted that even the most accepting people would welcome them if they knew they were brother's. Of course there was Bobby, which surprised the hell out of Dean but he choose to ignore it for now. "Of course," he forced a chuckle. "And how many people do you think will be there today?" Dean tried to imagine being a looser, more laid back Dean and really doubted his ability to be that way with tons of strangers that he was supposed to know. Not to mention he'd know none of their names. Shit, this was going to be a challenge.

"Don't worry, Garrett knows you don't like mingling with people you don't know," he squeezed Dean's ribs, "why do you think they want you to run the BBQ?" Sam smiled softly and kissed each of Dean's cheek, "I will protect you from all the gay men, don't worry, I'm very possessive." Dean had never completely lost his suspicion of people he didn't know, Sam knew he was the buffer sometimes between Dean and the world. It was a roll he didn't mind at all.

"Good," Dean nodded. He opened his mouth to say something more but his stomach chose that moment to growl loudly. With a sheepish smile he looked up at Sam, "Guess I'm a little hungry. Breakfast? I need caffeine."

"Why don't you have a quick shower and I'll start the coffee and rustle you up something to eat?" He raised his eyebrows and grinned. "Make yourself pretty." He smacked Dean on the ass and shoved him gently.

"Great idea," Dean nodded and rolled off Sam, climbing off the bed and heading toward the bathroom. He was both relieved and disappointed that he'd be showering alone. Though he figured his brain still needed time to catch up to everything so really, it was for the best. The shower was hot and soothing and Dean took longer than really necessary to enjoy the flow of water over his body. By the time he stepped out a good twenty minutes later, he could smell the coffee drifting through the house and he hurried to dress before heading toward the kitchen and dropping down into the nearest chair. Domestic life seemed to suit Sam, and Dean watched with a warm smile as he fiddled over the stove.

"I hope you're ready for this - _best_ omelet ever." Sam slid the omelet onto a plate and slid it onto the table in front of Dean, then turned back to the coffee pot. He grabbed the pot and poured his coffee into a mug with _Dean_ printed on it and walked over to leave it by Dean's plate. "Dig in."

Sam moved through the kitchen, cutting up some fruit and getting himself some yogurt before he sat at the table himself. "What you want to do today? Wanna go walk along the ocean? Wanna take a drive? I'll let you drive my Camero." He grinned and he tucked into his yogurt.

Dean chuckled as he looked at the mug before bringing it to his lips and sipping. Once he'd set it down and retrieved his fork, he looked back up at Sam. "Ocean would be nice. You can drive though, head injury and all." Dean knew he couldn't milk the excuse for long but the last thing he needed was for Sam to know he had no idea whatsoever on how to navigate the town. He was going to have to look that up soon, just in case. He stuffed a piece of the omelet into his mouth and moaned around the delicious flavors washing over him. "Damn, you're right."

Laughing, Sam finished up the rest of his yogurt and watched his brother enjoy his omelet. "Told ya," he winked.

They finished breakfast in comfortable silence before Sam headed off for his own shower and Dean cleaned up the kitchen. He headed to the bedroom and discovered he actually owned _sandals_ which was almost ludicrous and had him chuckling softly. A half hour later they were in Sam's Camero, which was a very nice car, though Dean was pleased to see his Impala in the garage when they passed through to the driveway. Logically he'd never give up the car but then again, he'd never thought he'd own a pair of sandals so it was hard to say.

The beach wasn't overly crowded, and considering it was September, Dean wasn't too surprised. The wind that blew softly around them was cool from the ocean, little drops of salt water occasionally splashing along their skin, and Dean pulled Sam closer. Walking with Sam's arm over his shoulder - his own around Sam's waist - was comfortable and Dean even managed to forget for awhile that other people would see him. Coming from a world of so much anonymity, Dean allowed himself to pretend that they were just like any other gay couple.

Sam chattered about the case he was researching for work and Dean only half listened, contemplating the waves crashing along the shore with occasion nods and 'mmhmms'. His mind flickered over the pictures he'd seen before and suddenly he felt a bit sad. It was something he'd never know, the slow build up of their relationship, and Dean had opened his mouth to ask Sam about it before he realized that he couldn't. Deciding to think on a way to subtly gain the information, he allowed Sam to guide him along the beach, holding his sandals in his free hand and letting the sand squish between his toes.

They had lunch at a cafe that Sam insisted was his favorite. One bite into the bacon cheeseburger told him why and Dean only half scoffed at Sam's large salad. It was good to see some things never changed, no matter what alternate reality he found himself in.

When the sun fell lower in the sky Sam declared they needed to head home before Garrett and Paul threw a fit about running late. Nerves peeked once more in the pit of Dean's stomach and he stared out the window on the drive home, trying to let Sam's reassurances from the morning calm him.

They were greeted in the drive way by two men - who Dean deduced where the famed Garrett and Paul - and he awkwardly returned their hugs, smiling when Sam threw large arms around them in giant bear hugs of his own. Dean hung back a little awkwardly while Sam insisted they just needed to freshen up a bit before heading out back from the barbeque. They seemed like nice guys so Dean shoved the nerves away roughly and gave them a wave and a friendly smile before heading inside with Sam.

-=-=-=-

Sam couldn't stop giggling, and it _was_ giggling. He was drunk. He'd _been_ drunk for the last hour of the BBQ, come dangerously close to toppling head over heels into the coy pond Garrett loved so much, and then gotten entirely too affectionate with Dean before being told it was time for him to go to bed. So - Sam was giggling as they stumbled through the gate into their own backyard, in the dark, hanging onto each other.

"Shhhh," Sam was trying not to wake up all the neighbors and Dean was laughing so hard Sam thought he was going to have to give him CPR.

Dean snorted and stumbled forward slightly, the pleasant buzz working through his system and making everything fuzzy. "You shh! You're the one who's giggling like a thirteen year old over Brad Pitt." He miscalculated his step, almost falling heavily onto the floor and turning swiftly, shoving Sam against the wall and pressing hard into his body. His eyes widened for a moment before he broke into laughter.

The breath whooshed out of Sam's body and he laughed when he could breathe again. " _You_ are clumsy," he said as he twisted his hips in a figure eight against Dean's, and leaned in to lick his brother's mouth open. He moaned against Dean's lips and curled one leg around his brother, trapping their hips flush against one another.

Everything around him spun even more as he opened his mouth for his brother and curled his fingers up into the man's hair, holding tightly as their hips slid together. Being mostly drunk was pretty nice. Then someone shouted for them to take it inside and Dean broke the kiss, eyes widening. "We're not inside yet?" He asked and looked around, confirming that they weren't. "Ohh... we should go inside."

Sam started laughing again, and managed to disentangle himself from his brother long enough for them to stagger into the back door and close it behind them. Shoving Dean roughly back against the door, Sam slid his hands into his brother's jacket and pushed it off his shoulders; his long fingers slid underneath Dean's t-shirt and he yanked it up, wrestling briefly with Dean's arms then finally pulling it off over his head. He was breathing hard, his heart trying to beat through his chest to get to Dean, his lips sliding wet and hot along Dean's collar bone.

"Sam..." Dean groaned, head falling back against the hard wood of the door, hands coming up to trace along his brother's side. He struggled with Sam's coat, roughly shoving at the material until Sam let his arms drop so it could slide off. His hands shook as they curled along the hem of Sam's shirt and he pushed him back slightly, urging his arms up to tug off the cool cotton. As Sam reattached his lips to Dean's flesh, Dean let his hands fall across the man's back, stopping short when he felt the smooth skin shift into something bumped and raised. His eyebrows lifted and he pushed his brother back again, turning him with firm hands on his shoulders. The room was dimly lit but Dean could still make out the scarred flesh, a pale white that stood out on Sam's lightly tanned skin. "Sammy?" He asked softly, trying to rack his brain for the thing that had happened to harm his brother so.

Sam looked back over his shoulder and smiled, "I know..." he murmured, "tell you the story." He turned slightly and pulled Dean down the hall to the bedroom. Pulling Dean with him all the way to the bedroom Sam wandered in and sat on the end of the bed; he took off his boots and socks and slid his jeans and boxers down, "get in bed - I'll tell you..." he flashed a soft smile at Dean and climbed across the bed to get under the sheets.

 _The story_. Dean hurried out of his shoes and socks, stumbling slightly before pushing off his jeans, hesitating for a moment before letting his boxers fall to the floor as well. The sheets were cool on his drunk warm skin and he soaked it in for a moment before shifting slightly to face Sam. "Okay, tell me."

Chuckling softly, Sam rolled away from Dean flipping onto his stomach - "okay but you've gotta do the thing..." he wriggled around getting comfortable, “the thing where you trace the edges of it... you know..." he just wanted Dean's hands on him really, but he had always loved that the scar actually meant something special to Dean. "We were on a hunt, just you and me - it wasn't too long after... Dad... you and I were going to hunt a vampire - you said it would be fun." He sighed into his pillow and shifted closer to Dean, "you're not touching."

Breath hitching in his throat, Dean shifted forward and laid his hand along Sam's back, letting his fingers dance across the skin. After a moment of Sam's continued silence he trailed the tips of his fingers along the ragged flesh, learning it's shape.

"We were in the car, you teased me all the way there - because _you_ are a son of a bitch." Sam's chuckled quietly, then continued. "We were fine going in, you went in first while I covered you with the Colt just in case. But we didn't use the bullets unless we needed them. The thing is - I would have shot anything that came near you, I just never told _you_ that." Sam's voice disappeared into his pillow as he concentrated on Dean's fingers as they moved over his scar, he could fall asleep like that. "Feels good."

Dean stared transfixed at Sam's back. He tried to place where this hunt must have fallen in the timeline of his reality but couldn't. "I... I let you get hurt?" He asked softly, worry gnawing through him.

Chuckling softly, Sam turned his head so he could see Dean out of the corner of his eye. "You're only asking that so I'll tell you the rest of the story." He smiled, shifted so he could see Dean - making sure Dean could still touch his back then closed his eyes. "The problem was, I was too focused on you. I always worried, _gotta have Dean's back_. I wasn't paying attention and the vamp got behind us." Sam's brow furrowed as he remembered it - the only part of the story he hated. "It came straight at me and I took a moment, _just_ one moment to yell your name. It pushed me and I fell, the colt flew out of my hand and skittered right across the floor to you. I knew you'd be okay then - because you had it so I let myself fall. I fell against the tin siding on the warehouse wall - someone had torn it all up trying to get inside, so it tore me all up. Cut so deep."

Sam shifted his hips, "keep touching," he needed Dean's fingers moving on him, reminding him he was alive, _he made it_. "You shot it - I heard you. You wasted a bullet, and I always tease _you_ about that." He opened his eyes briefly, smiling at Dean then let his lashes fall to his cheeks again. "I don't remember it all properly after that... you were there. There was a lot of blood but you said if I died you'd kill me." He smiled against the pillow. "You broke all the rules. You called an ambulance and let them take me to the hospital. They told you that I had lost a lot of blood and that they had to try and stabilize me before they could give me an MRI to find out if my spinal cord was damaged. Afterwards, you told me you just yelled at them and made them leave and you whispered to me the entire night. Over and over you told me I would be fine because you were there, and I could never die if I was with you." Sam rolled so his back was facing away from Dean then shimmied back so that he was pressed up against him. "And you were right. It took a long time but I did get better, and my back was fine although they couldn't do much about the scar. The metal had torn up my skin so bad. When I moved my legs the first time and managed to get them over the side of the bed you said we were going to quit hunting. That's all you said _we're not hunting anymore_. I remember, I just nodded because I can always tell when I can't change your mind."

Sam reached behind him and curled his fingers over Dean's hip briefly tugging him closer, then grabbing his brother's arm and pulling it around his chest. "We moved here eventually after we traveled around for a while. You said there were places you wanted me to see before we got settled somewhere. You touched me all the time in the hospital. You would kiss my hand when the nurses weren't in the room and when I woke up - I remembered it. You held my hand for the first time at the Grand Canyon, which I might add, was very romantic. I kissed you in the car with the windows down, hot desert wind blowing in. You came to my bed that night and you stayed every night after that." He sighed happily.

Tears streamed down Dean's cheeks and he gathered Sam into his body, holding him as close as possible. The idea of Sam being so hurt... he could instantly see why they would give up hunting, why he would suggest it. Sam was the most important person in the world to him. He _loved_ Sam. His minded drifted to the shot of them at the Grand Canyon, heart aching a little that he couldn't remember it himself. Hearing Sam talk about it had been nice though. "Sam?" He mumbled against his brother's ear, nuzzling into his hair. "When did you first realize you were in love with me?"

"I've always loved you." Sam turned his head twisting in Dean's arms to capture his mouth in a kiss. Pulling back her almost whispered, "you said we were meant to be together always we just had to figure that out ourselves." Sam smiled, "you're sappy tonight."

Dean shrugged and brushed his lips along Sam's. "Must be the head injury," he breathed softly. "But was... was there a moment you realized you wanted something _more_. Maybe... before the Grand Canyon, before your injury?" Dean had to know, couldn't stop thinking about the Sam in his reality and whether he might feel just like this Sam does, only without something bringing it up.

"You know when." Sam took a deep breath and let out a long sigh, he was getting so sleepy; all the drinking was catching up with him.

Nuzzling along Sam's neck, Dean pressed open mouthed kissed up the flesh, traveling up until he could suck Sam's earlobe into his mouth. He whispered softly, "I know... but I want to hear you say it... again. Please? For me?" He traced the shell of his brother's ear with the tip of his tongue, letting his hand fall flat against Sam's back and massaging softly.

Sam moaned softly. "When I was sixteen and I saw you kissing Mary-Ann Scott. I was so pissed off at you when you came into our room that night and after you went to sleep, I cried so hard I woke you up. You thought I'd had a nightmare and you crawled into bed behind me, wrapped your arms around me and all the hurt went away." Sam grabbed Dean's hand and twined their fingers together. "I knew then, that I was in love with you - and I thought that I would never have what we have now - but I was happy just to fall asleep next to you."

Dean remembered that. It was the last time he'd shared a bed with Sam before this whole thing. His heart lurched and lifted his head, pressing his lips firmly against Sam's and kissing him with slow, languid slides of his lips. They kissed for so long Dean lost track of the moments, enjoying the gentle silk of Sam's lips against his, the lingering taste of beer, the something under the surface that was a taste specifically designed for Sam. He kissed him to make up for all the hundreds of kisses he couldn't remember, learning every curve and groove, memorizing the small whimpers Sam made. When his brain was dizzy from the lack of oxygen, Dean pulled back and rested their foreheads together, whispering softly, "I love you Sam." It felt so good to say the words, to know he meant them, to hold Sam close and think that in the morning they'd be like this. For the first time in just a little over twenty four hours, Dean didn't mind that this wasn't his reality. He could be happy here.

Sam was already asleep in his arms and Dean chuckled, wondering vaguely if Sam had been kissing him in his sleep. He wouldn't put it past his brother by this point. A warm smile lingered on his lips and he shifted back into his pillow, holding Sam tightly as he allowed sleep to tug him under.

Dean was almost instantly in a dream again. A motel room, he thought, but everything was fuzzy, as if he was looking at it through blurred lenses. Someone was talking. Bobby he thought, judging from the gruff timber of his voice.

"Now don't panic boy, we're gonna get Dean outta this, I promise."

"Bobby, I can't stand seeing him like this. It's killin' me. There must be something we can do."

Sam sounded so worried, Dean wanted to reach out and comfort him, let him know he was okay. Then he remembered that Sam was in his arms so it was okay. This was just... a dream.

"All we can do is the research Sam. I've put a few calls in to some friends. Something's bound to turn up. Only been a few hours."

"Okay, but I can't lose him. I just _can't_ , Bobby."

 _-=-=-=-_

 _When Dean woke on the third morning he felt more rested then he could remember feeling in a long time. The last little images of a dream danced through his mind but faded before he could get any real grasp on them. Sam was a blanket of warmth over him, skin molded together, and Dean was very suddenly aware of the heat along his thigh. That was Sam's naked flesh and Dean could feel its warmth _everywhere_. His heart quickened almost automatically and he sucked his lower lip between his teeth, pressing down hard into the muscles as he rolled his hips slightly against the hard flesh. Eyes fixed on the top of Sam's head, Dean repeated the action, putting a little more force behind it._

Sam moaned softly and shifted in his sleep head tilting up to nuzzle in under Dean's chin. Even in his sleep, Sam's hips came alive against Dean's flesh, rolling gently.

Taking a moment for a deep breath, Dean nudged his brother's shoulder until the man rolled, falling onto his back and still managing to stay asleep. It brought a smile to his face. Sometimes he thought Sam might be able to sleep through an earth quake if given the opportunity. He swallowed thickly as he slid forward, tucking one leg under, one over Sam's thigh and pressing forward just enough to run his hard shaft against Sam's skin. A soft moan fell from his lips as his hand came to rest low on Sam's belly. He stared at Sam's features for a moment before allowing his eyes to drift down, lower until they caught up with his hand. Dean's breath came in short bursts as slowly curled his fingers around Sam's semi hard flesh, dragging up with a gentle twist of his wrist.

Sam's eyes fluttered open as his spine arched up off the bed into Dean's touch. "Dean..." he turned his head slowly, bleary eyed and smiled at his brother. A small gasp escaped from Sam's mouth and his tongue darted out of his mouth, pink, wet, and ran across his bottom lip. "Dean..." he twisted a little in Dean's grip trying to reach his brother's mouth.

Dean closed the distance between their lips, tongue automatically pushing into Sam's mouth and not even minding the lingering taste of stale beer. His fingers around Sam's hard length tightened, stroking upward and sliding back down. Sam felt full and heavy in his grip and Dean moaned into the kiss, dragging his thumb over the crown of flesh, pressing for a moment into the tip to smear the small bubble of pre-come around.

Sam's mouth opened wide as he gasped, hips stuttering forward into Dean's hand. His tongue slipped quickly into his brother's mouth, swirling slowly, tasting Dean. Sam's hand slipped down between them trying to reach the hard length of his brother's shaft. He could feel Dean pressed up against his hip. "Let me..." he murmured as he pulled his lips back from his brother's.

"Yeah," Dean nodded quickly and shifted his hips back from Sam's body. With the thrill that shot through him at the idea of Sam's hand wrapped around him, he sped up his own movements on Sam's flesh, twisting in the way he liked to use on his self and hoping it was what Sam liked as well. His eyes followed the stretch of Sam's arm, breath hitching in anticipation.

Sam's arm snaked down between their bodies and his warm fingers wrapped around Dean's swollen cock, squeezing gently them moving slowly, he let his rough palm work his brother's silky-hard flesh. Dean was so beautiful, flushed skin, eyes wide, glassy. Sam was almost vibrating with _want_.

The noise that fell from Dean's lips was a grumbled mess of consonances mixed with a groan as his hips arched up into Sam's touch. "Sammy," he gasped, struggling to bring their lips together and groaning in frustration when the angling wouldn't work. "Want... want you..." he hissed, squeezing Sam's flesh in his palm.

Sam pulled away from Dean, fumbled under his pillow and rolled back to face Dean. "Kiss me," he murmured as his hand slipped back onto his brother's hard shaft. He smoothed a cool liquid on Dean's skin, rubbing it gently, as Dean leaned in to kiss him. Lips moved against lips, fingers curled together and Sam slid down Dean's body and pushed over to straddle his brother's hips. Reaching a long arm behind him. Sam's fingers curled around Dean's cock and guided it underneath him until it was pressing against his ass. His face was flushed, lips wet and as his lust-filled eyes found Dean's he leaned his body back and pushed himself down on Dean's cock; so slowly, he took Dean inside him, his thighs shaking as he lowered himself down. When Sam's body felt full, his tight ring of muscle only burning slightly, he let his head fall back and sighed. "Good?" he whispered.

It was the last thing he'd expected to have happen and Dean barely had time to wonder why Sam was spreading lube on him before he found himself buried in Sam's ass, overcome with heat and pressure and... "Oh _fuck_." He hissed, hands falling hard onto Sam's thighs. There had been no preparation, no stretching or any of those things Dean thought were supposed to happen before hand. He swallowed thickly over and over, chanting in his mind _don't come, don't come, don't come_. Burning eyes darted across Sam's chest, down to the hard shaft rubbing against his abdomen. He was going to lose it any minute, he knew it. "Sam." He moaned, finally squeezing his eyes shut and letting his head fall back into the pillow, hips rolling up slightly just to find any sort of friction.

Sam started rocking his hips, slow and gentle at first, his pace increasing quickly. His body was loose, spine rolling with his hips, his head fell to the side as his lips parted to release a moan. His movements were liquid, fluid, his own shaft rubbing against Dean's abs. Sam let himself fall forward onto his hands, planting on either side of Dean's chest, he rocked faster now that his cock was trapped between them. He could feel every inch of Dean's width buried deep inside him and loved it; _perfect_. "Jesus..." he gasped, his body shuddering as he angled Dean's cock just right inside him and was flooded with sensation, "God…"

Dean grunted in response, hips arching up to met Sam's push down. It was the singularly most intense thing he'd ever experienced and it felt completely out of his hands. He contemplated trying to roll Sam over and taking control back but knew he wasn't going to last long enough. The beginning tendrils of his orgasm were already crawling through him so he brought his hand to Sam's hair, curling in the silk soft locks and tugging roughly. Each roll of his hips sent a different sort of pressure through him, overwhelming, consuming. "Gonna... Sam..." he moaned out the words, forcing his eyes open to stare up into Sam's features.

Sam fell back onto Dean's hard length, taking it all, letting out a small cry as waves of pleasure ran through his body. "Dean... God..." his finger slipped down, wrapping around his cock and moving quickly. Rocking back and forth quickly, just like he knew Dean loved, Sam moved easily. His hand slid over his shaft, slipping, twisting, his orgasm building deep within him. "Dean... gonna..." His rhythm faltered, hips snapping forward as his balls pulled up tight against his body. He cried out, rocked back onto Dean, fell forwards onto his hands and came. Sam cried out, words, sounds, something, he didn't know, he just knew the throb and pumping heat of his cock and his brother's last few thrusts up into him.

The sight of Sam coming, the way his name fell from Sam's lips, had him falling over the edge in the next thrust. Flashes of burning heat shot through him and stared - transfixed - at Sam's jerking body as he emptied his load with quick thrusts up into Sam's tight heat. "Sammmmy," he dragged out the name, fingers sliding over skin, muscles, anywhere he could touch. The moment the last of his release left him, he curled his hands around Sam's arms and dragged him forward, crushing their lips together in a heated kiss. He thrust rapidly into Sam's mouth, tongue fucking in and out for several moments before he pulled back and gasped. "Holy shit..."

Sam could barely move, he shifted his hips up slightly pulling off his brother with a low groan then fell to the side. "God, Dean..." Sam's arm curled around his brother's neck turning his head so their eyes could meet. "That was..." he smiled, dimples appearing on his cheeks, "uh...."

"Really fucking good?" Dean supplied, leaning forward to brush their lips together softly. "The best you ever had? That's my answer there."

Grinning, Sam spoke against Dean's lips, "best I ever had." He let his head fall back onto the pillow and closed his eyes. "I'll move in a min...gotta rest."

Dean nodded even though Sam couldn't see him and let his own eyes drift close. Every part of him tingled from his orgasm, from the way it had felt to have Sam's flesh over him. He vaguely entertained the notion that he should possibly be freaking out about just having fucked his brother but really, at this point, what was the use? Sam wanted it, he wanted it, and in Sam's mind they'd been doing it for a year. The more he thought about it, the less he could see the reasons it would be considered wrong. It wasn't exactly _normal_ but what were they ever normal anyway?

The truth of the matter was that Sam was the only person Dean was ever going to be able to love. No one else would get him on this level. Even if Sam was suddenly gone for good - and Dean shuddered at the thought - Dean knew he'd spend the rest of his life alone. This was it for Dean, and it was the best thing he could have imagined. Of course he still had no idea how he'd gotten here, or what could have made this world, but he was done questioning it. As long as it was his to have, he was going to take it. And enjoy it. Over and over.

A slow smirk spread on his lips as his eyes fluttered open to land on Sam's body. He shifted on the mattress, pulling Sam into him and burying his nose in his brother's hair, inhaling softly. This was real, Sam here in his arms, and it was exactly how things should be.


	3. Chapter 3

That Tuesday Dean got to see his shop. It turned out to be pretty amazing and just made being here that much better, not that he really needed more to sweeten the pot. He'd spent the entirety of Sunday in bed with Sam, and most of Monday, only coming out to share showers and gather food when absolutely necessary. Now he was finding himself in his shop, where he was boss, and got to work on cars all day. It was honest work that he actually got paid for and didn't involved creatures that might kill him with one wrong step.

Dean went home at the end of the day much happier then he had been when he left, which was really saying something.

This life was easy to fall into step with. He and Sam both worked during the week, occasionally meeting up for lunch, and always sharing dinner in the evenings. Sometimes they watched movies, sometimes they went for a walk on the beach, and by the next weekend, Dean even joined in the poker game between them, Garrett and Paul. The only time things change at all was the little flash of worry that gnawed in the back of his mind each night before he fell asleep, that he might wake up and this would all be gone.

But it didn't happen. Day after day passed and Dean grew more and more comfortable with this new life, stopped looking over his shoulder for some sign of someone watching, stopped itching for a weapon any time a person glanced at him oddly. Things at his work were so enjoyable he didn't mind the long days, and the men he worked with were all friendly, funny, the perfect kind of friends that Dean could only dream of.

And then there was Sam.

Dean never grew tired of long hours spent sharing languid kisses on the couch, tongues tangled together in slow moving circles. He always found himself marveling at the flush that crossed Sam's skin as he laid him back on the bed, buried himself inside tight muscle, rocked slowly into him for what felt like hours. They made love _everywhere_ , more often than Dean thought possible: on the kitchen table even though both were going to be late to work, in the shower - again, late to work and against the wall, on the couch, on the floor. Sam was just as insatiable as Dean and he couldn't believe that even after a year together, Sam still wanted him just as much.

Between the work, the sex and everything else _Sam_ , Dean lost track of the days. The changing colors of the leaves registered with him in just the vaguest way, and it wasn't until he caught a calendar that said 'October' across the top - and saw the first few signs that Halloween was approaching, pumpkins and candy overrunning the grocery store - that Dean realized he'd been there for over a month. It was surreal and oddly reassuring. Like, after all this time it seemed unlikely he'd be going anywhere now. And he was so _happy_ and in love, there was no where else he'd rather be.

During the first week in October though, something changed. Or, Dean remembered one of the dreams that haunted him the night before, though all the other ones had managed to elude him. He was in the same motel room, it seemed to vaguely register with him, and there was Sam, talking to him. Sam hovering over him and whispering.

"Dean, you need to listen to me Bro. This is really important. Bobby and I have worked out what to do but we need your help. Bobby says you gotta decide to come back - you gotta _want_ to come back. You got that? You have to _decide_ to come back to me Dean. I need you bro - _please_ \- I need you to want to come back to me. Come back, Dean... I need you."

Sitting up in bed with as gasp, Dean blinked in the darkness of the room, looking around with wide eyes. His breath came out in short pants and he turned quickly to the side, staring down at Sam. "Sammy..." he breathed, his brother's voice echoing in his head _I need you_. Dean's hand fell onto Sam's body, stroking down, reassuring himself. He dipped down to inhale Sam's scent, nuzzling against his skin. "Sam." He said again softly, shifting their bodies until he had Sam on his back and he slid over his form, nuzzling kisses against his skin.

"MMmmm, Dean? Y'okay?" Sam's hands ran up over Dean's body, familiar and warm. "Nightmare?" Sam slid his palms up to Dean's cheeks, holding his head inches away from his own, "tell me?"

"I don't even know how to explain it," Dean sighed and shivered slightly. "You were... scared. Worried. And I was gone only, I wasn't." He frowned and pushed past Sam's hands, brushing their lips together softly at first before applying more pressure. His tongue shoved roughly down into Sam's mouth, trying to shove away the intense worry still gnawing through him along with the ghostly echo from Sam's voice in his dream.

Sam's arms curled around Dean's neck and pulled him as close as he could. He gasped into his brother's mouth, surprised by the _desperation_ , the need - but he kissed his brother, let him know he wanted him right there. When he finally pulled his lips away they were swollen and he smiled in the darkness knowing that Dean could feel it against his own lips. "I want you here with me, I need you."

"You need..." Dean trailed off, staring down into Sam's face. For just a moment things felt _off_ , and then Sam's hips shifted beneath his and the thought flittered away into the part of Dean's brain that stored information for later consideration. "Sammy," he dropped his head down and kissed opened mouth along Sam's neck, occasionally sinking his teeth into the flesh. He rolled his own hips down into Sam's and groaned. "I need _you_."

The slightest frown flitted across Sam's face, then it was lost in the feel of Dean moving down his body; his skin tingled wherever Dean's teeth took hold and he stretched his arms up above him to grab hold of the bed frame. His hips moved against Dean's, so familiar, Sam stretched himself out - long body writhing slightly underneath his brother's.

Dean traveled down Sam's body, consumed with the need to reassure himself with Sam's taste. The flesh was warm and rich under his lips and Dean sucked in one nipple, rolling it between his teeth before moving on to the second. He let his tongue trace a line down the length of Sam's chest until he could bury his nose in the rough curls along the base of Sam's thick shaft. He bypassed the flesh in favor of sucking kisses along Sam's ball sac, smiling when Sam's hips moved roughly beneath him. Dean curled his fingers along his brother's hips, holding him in place as he positioned himself between the man's legs and traced his tongue up the hard line of Sam's cock, sucking just the crown into his lips.

"D..Dean," Sam's voice was a surprised gasp, his long pale fingers curled around the bars on the headboard, knuckles whitening with the straining of not reaching out for his brother. Dean's mouth was always fiery, his lips so soft that Sam never wanted them to leave his body. Sam used his arms to push his body up off the bed, carrying his brother with him; he pushed, trying to get Dean's warmth to slide over his aching shaft - but Dean pulled away slightly and Sam just moaned his brother's name loudly. Flushing with embarrassment, Sam turned his face into his arm trying to be quiet.

"Mm like it when you moan my name," Dean murmured and slid his mouth over Sam's hard shaft; taking him in as far as he could before pulling back up and letting go. He stroked his hand up Sam's flesh, pushing up slightly to stare into Sam's face. "Wanna fuck you. That okay Sammy? You want me in you? Slamming hard, filling you up until all you feel is me." He curled his fingers slowly up Sam as he spoke, working the hard flesh under his palm teasingly.

Sam had no trouble at all moaning Dean's name even louder the second time. "Yes, _Fuck._ Dean, y..yes." Sam pried his fingers off the headboard and slammed them down onto the bed, grabbing up the quilt and biting his lip briefly. "Please..." he whispered, "I _want_ you." His hips thrust up into Dean's touch, twitching slowly back down to the bed.

"Always so eager..." Dean chuckled and slid up the length of Sam's body, digging under the pillow to find the bottle of lube stashed along the upper part of the bed. He squirted a large dollop in his hand before shifting back to his knees, stroking himself. "Roll over." He commanded, smirking down at Sam, eyes glinting.

Eyes widening, Sam sucked his bottom lip into his mouth, trailed his fingers down Dean's chest and then rolled over underneath him. He settled back against the mattress loving the feel of the rough cotton against his stiffness. "Dean?" It was only half a question, more of a plea. His hands rested on the pillow, fisting the material and he buried his face in the softness.

Fully slathered in cool liquid, Dean positioned himself behind Sam, between his legs, and let his hand rest along the base of his aching cock. His free hand came out to part Sam's rounded flesh and Dean stared at the area greedily for a moment before shifting lower, and sliding in. His body laid flush across Sam's back as he buried himself completely in Sam. Taking a moment to control his breathing, Dean laid his cheek against Sam's back, arms circling under his brother's waist and holding him tightly. "Love you," he whispered as they held this position, as Sam's tight heat burned around him.

"Jesus… Dean..." Sam gulped in air, the weight of his brother's body was crushing him and it felt _fucking_ great. He loved when Dean was all over him, filling him up, warm, hot and hard, lips moving softly over the sensitive skin of his back. He tried to move his hips but Dean had him pinned to the bed and he whimpered quietly against the pillow clenching his muscle around Dean - smiling when he heard his brother's sharp intake of breath.

Dean slid his body down, pulling out all the way before sliding slowly back in. Every part of his body traced the lines of Sam's flesh, curving and molding and fitting together so perfectly Dean knew they had to be made for this. Each slid back was tantalizingly slow, Dean rolling his hips slightly on the push back in. He worked Sam's body down into the mattress, letting his lips trail along the skin with each movement. "Sam..." he exhaled the name, thighs shaking with exertion, hands digging firmly into the bed sheets on either side of Sam's body.

His brother's name fell from his lips again and again, each painfully slow thrust made Sam writhe underneath Dean. "Dean... _more_..." Sam's voice was raspy, arms straining as he curled his hand into the pillow, "p..please..." Sweat damp hair was plastered to Sam's face; he bit down hard on his lip when Dean pulled away from him again. "Dean," he gasped as his hips lifted as far off the mattress as they could. Then the breath slid out of Sam's lungs as Dean's hard cock slid slowly back into him.

"Drivin' you crazy Sammy?" Dean panted softly, sweat falling across his brow. He picked up his speed slightly, pushing back in the moment he pulled out and repeating. Dean squeezed his eyes shut as his head fell forward and slid along Sam's back. "You want me to fuck you now? Want me to slam hard into you?" He bit at the muscle on Sam's back. "Could just keep doin' this. Slow and steady till you come."

Sam let out a frustrated growl and tried to push up on his arms. "Noooo, more," he mumbled... trying again to roll Dean off of him and take control.

Dean smirked and considered keeping up the torturous pace but his need was just as strong and when he pulled back again, he lifted his body, hands settling on Sam's hips and tugging him back with him. Pulling Sam up to his knees, Dean slammed hard back down into firm muscle, sliding back almost instantly. Skin slapped together loudly with each deep thrust and Dean leaned forward, curling his hand along Sam's shoulder to hold him in place as he thrust hard and fast. Dean threw his head back, moaning Sam's name low and long, letting his eyes fall closed as warmth washed over him.

Sam's spine curved as he pushed back against Dean, taking everything, he buried his face in his arms muffling his cries in the pillow. When he needed to breathe he lifted his head and gasped in a great lung full of air, murmuring his brother's name, and words that might have meant he loved him, wanted him - he found it hard to care what sounds came out of his mouth when Dean was slamming into his ass. Waves of desire washed over him, his skin was on fire, his heart thundering - and when Dean angled his hard shaft just the right way Sam cried out his name loudly, chest falling to the mattress as shock waves flew through his body.

The way Sam's muscles clenched around him, Dean knew it wouldn't be long until he lost himself to his release. Dean was nearing the edge himself, the slow build up catching up with him. Dean shifted to curl his arm under Sam's hips, wrapping his fingers along Sam's hard flesh and stroking in time with each thrust. When Sam cried out Dean continually angled his hips in the same position, brushing the sensitive area with each slam forward. "Can't... Sam..." he gasped and grunted, and reached a pace that was almost blinding, hips crashing hard into Sam's ass with each rock forward. "Come for me Sammy. C'mon."

Dean's words went straight to Sam's hips, the burning skin on his shaft sliding once, twice into his brother's hand and then Sam's orgasm was choking off the sounds that tried to escape from his chest. He rocked forward and back under Dean's weight, his release pumping out under him - against his belly, Dean's hand. His muscles clenched so hard it almost hurt and he moaned, “Dean..."

A handful of thrusts later and Dean was spilling over the edge along with his brother, moaning Sam's name with the stuttering of his hips. He released his grip on Sam's shaft, holding onto his hips instead to drive hard into squeezing muscle. When he'd emptied everything he had to offer into Sam, his body gave out, falling hard onto Sam's back. His brother could only hold them for a moment before he collapsed as well and Dean let out a whoosh of air, nuzzling his forehead into the back of Sam's sweaty neck, pressing soft kisses along the flesh. "Jesus Sam..."

Sam mumbled something incoherent into the mattress and panted softly, Dean's weight pressing the breath out of his lungs. He rolled his head to the side - opening up his neck to Dean's touch.

Dean probably could have stayed buried in Sam for the rest of the night, woke in the morning and repeat the whole scene again, but the thought that Sam might be having a little trouble breathing crossed his mind and he slid back. A long groan falling from his lips as he pulled out of his brother and fell to the side, arm flopping over Sam's back and the other across his own forehead. "C'mere..." he mumbled, completely exhausted and satiated.

Sam tried to move but his arm collapsed under him, he laughed softly and took a deep breath then pushed off the bed to roll over and curl up against Dean's side. The smile faded off his face and Sam looked up, resting his fingers on Dean's cheek. "I..." Sam sighed and leaned his chin on Dean's chest. "Don't ever leave me..." He closed his eyes, lashes resting on his flushed cheeks, eyes glinting in the half light from the moon.

"Why would I do that?" Dean chuckled and curled his arms tight around Sam, brushing a kiss to his forehead. "I love you Sam," he said softly and let his eyes drift closed, sighing blissfully.

-=-=-=-

Dean stretched his arms high above his head as he pushed open the door, dropping his keys on the side table. A large yawn stretched across his face and he scratched at his stomach absently. Dean could really use a nap. Too many late nights with Sam, not that he was complaining. A slow smile danced across his lips as he headed toward the couch, dropping down and kicking off his boots. He stretched out, rolling onto his side and letting his eyes drift closed. He was considering what he'd like to do with Sam when he got home from work when sleep tugged him under.

Almost at once he was back in the motel room that was only familiar when he slept. He stared up into nothing, world tilting and spinning oddly around him. And then there was Sam's voice again, different, sadder. Dean tried to focus his attention on the words.

"Dean? Dean... listen to me. This is important. I need you back, you were cursed Dean. We were on a job - and we went in without the right information and you got cursed. Your body is lying here in front of me. Bobby has worked out how to break the curse and we have done what we can from here but you need to _want_ to come back. I need you back with me, Dean, I already miss you. Listen to me Dean. I've been sitting here beside the bed for days, holding your hand and begging you to come back. You _have_ to want to come back to me. Remember when we were kids and it was you who told me that monsters, all the things that Dad hunted were real? Well, this - life you're living there, wherever you are isn't real. I'm real... and I need you to come back to me, you have to decide to leave that world and come back. Please - it's Sammy - come back."

Everything spun around him and Dean's eyes shot open. Sam. The real Sam. "Shit." He breathed, pushing up off the couch and staring around the house wildly. This wasn't his life, wasn't his world. But... but it was so perfect. He was so outrageously _happy_ and so was Sam. This Sam. The _not_ real Sam. He couldn't do this... it wasn't fair, how was he supposed to give up this life where there were no monsters waiting for them, where the hardest things he had to deal with during the day was mustering the motivation to leave Sam's side. Where it didn't matter that they were brothers because they were _lovers_ and that was the most important thing. His hand curled around his cell phone, hitting the first speed dial and waiting for the ringing to stop. He didn't even let Sam get a word out. "Sam. Come home. Please? I need you."

He flipped his phone shut after Sam's quick 'ok' and tossed it onto the coffee table. His hands dug into his hair as he began pacing across the living room. Sam's words echoed through his mind. The real Sam? But this Sam... Dean had always known - deep down in the back of his mind - that this wasn't his real brother. But he was _his_. He loved Dean, and they shared more than any two people ever could. Tears pricked along the corners of his eyes and he crossed to the wall, leaning back against it before sliding down to the floor. He buried his head between his knees and allowed the tears to flow.

"Dean?" Sam called out as he came in through the front door. He kicked the door shut behind him, and stumbled into the room as he tried to kick his boots off. "Dean!" His voice was strained; Dean had scared the hell out of him. It was his voice, it was so... Sam couldn't even describe it - he had just known he needed to drop everything and get home. He hadn't even stopped long enough to explain anything to Monica -but it didn't matter. There was nothing, _nothing_ , more important than his brother. Sam almost fell over Dean as he rounded the corner, his heart lurched in his chest and he fell to his knees beside him. "Dean? What's wrong? Dean..." Sam brushed his hand over Dean's hair.

"Sam..." he whispered and lurched forward into Sam's arms, burying his nose into Sam's neck and dropping his hips hard into his brother's lap. "Oh god Sammy." His body shook around him, voice quivering.

"Dean? You're scaring me buddy..." Sam wrapped his arms around his brother's shaking form. "Whatever it is... we can fix it Dean, s'okay." Big hands moved over Dean's back, his hair, soothing, stroking. Tears welled in Sam's eyes - he could feel how upset Dean was, he was shaking, _sobbing_. "S'okay, Dean, I love you." He held Dean close rocking him gently in his arms.

It took more control then he thought he had to get his sobs to fade away. He lay against Sam's body, soaking in his comfort until his body stopped shaking, until the tears stopped flowing and his thoughts felt more centered. They made no sense at all, but he figured at least he might be able to logically have this conversation. Dean climbed off Sam's body slowly, pulling him up and leading him to the couch. "Sam? I need to talk to you about something..." he said softly as he dropped onto the cushion, tucking a leg under his body as he shifted to face his brother. "Do you remember about a month ago... when I... hit my head?"

Sam loosened his tie and unbuttoned the collar of his shirt, he was shaking now - his own emotions a mess now that Dean seemed so... eerily calm. Sam blinked at Dean's question... "Yeah, of course." He reached out and grabbed Dean's hand.

Dean swallowed thickly and stared down at his hands. "I never hit my head. Sam... I don't... I..." how he was he supposed to tell Sam that he wasn't from this reality? What could he say that wouldn't completely break his brother's heart? "I woke up here, that Friday morning, and I'd never... been here before. I'm not from here. In my reality... we're not together, we're... we're hunters. You never got injured, there was no Grand Canyon... no... _us_." He bit his lower lip briefly before hurrying to continue on. "And I don't know how I got here, or I didn't, but I think... I think the Sam from my life, from my reality, has been trying to reach me in my dreams. And... does any of this make sense?"

Sam closed his eyes and let go of Dean's hand. His head tilted to the side as he frowned. "No," he said, eyes snapping open. "You're just... you're tired..." He pushed up off the couch and paced over to the window. "I'll just - we'll... we'll get you to the Doctor - you probably just need a vacation." Sam was terrified. Dean didn't look sick or fucked up or... anything other than... the hunter. The serious brother, the protective one - the one who thought things out. Sam's fingers drifted up to his temple and he stared at Dean, lips parted, eyes sad and pleading.

Heart lurching unpleasantly, Dean sank his teeth into his lower lip. "I'm sorry Sam. I shouldn't have led you on... but when... when I didn't go back to my reality I thought I would just stay here. And you make me _so_ happy. And I love you _so_ much... and this real Sam is telling me I have to go back to him, I have to _want_ to go back but I don't. I don't want to go back. I want to stay here with you. How can I go back to a world where I have to be alone again? And you... I can't leave you here alone... I don't even know if... if your Dean..." he wet his lips. This was the real question, whether there was another Dean out there that belonged in this place with Sam. It didn't seem very likely. "I can't leave you."

Big, hot tears rolled down Sam's cheeks. "I'm Sam... I'm _your_ Sammy." He managed to get his feet moving again and darted over to the couch dropped to his knees in front of his brother. His hands ran up Dean's thighs and circled around his waist staring up into his brother's wide-green eyes. "Okay - say - this is... real..." even saying that made the bile rise in the back of Sam's throat. "W..what happens to the other Sam if you... when you stay with me?" Sam bit his bottom lip to stop it from trembling.

The thought hadn't even occurred to Dean, but now that it was there, it slammed hard into his gut. Tears pricked along his eyes once more and Dean blinked rapidly trying to clear them away. This Sam... his Sam... but no, it wasn't his Sam. It was a made up Sam. A Sam created by a curse that left him trapped in his mind. Even as he stared into Sam's eyes the truth settled over him, like a weight lying over his shoulders. "Damnit..." he hissed at the realization that there was no way around it. He couldn’t leave the _real_ Sam behind. All these Sam's were really starting to fuck with his mind. But the truth was glaring him in the face and there was no turning from it. Dean stared down at his hands for a long moment before looking back up into Sam's, eyes resigned and sad.

Sam didn't like the look on Dean's face. His voice was soft when he spoke, his fingers curled into Dean's hips, "I can't... you said you wouldn't leave." That was the only thing he had to offer, because he knew his brother. Sam knew that if Dean thought he needed to go - needed to be with this other, this _real_ Sam - he would.

"I know..." Dean reached out and laid his hand against Sam's face. "But... if this... if this is just a figment of my imagination, created by some curse, then I guess you'll always be with me right? In my mind?" It was lame and he knew it, in fact he wasn't even sure this was how it worked, but Dean had to cling to some hope and this was all he had. "Sam... how am I supposed to do the right thing if it means going back to not having you?"

Sam brushed the tears off his cheek. "What... what is your Sam like?" He bit down on his bottom lip.

"Like you, only... less in love with me." Dean smiled sadly and traced his thumb across Sam's bottom lip. "As far as I can tell you guys were exactly the same until the accident that brought _us_ together. There's just about a year more worth of hunts and trouble weighing on the r... on Sam's... shoulders. But he's... Sam, any you is amazing, just in different ways."

"M..maybe he's stronger than me," Sam looked up at Dean's face, "maybe he doesn't need you as much as I do. Does he need you?" Sam tightened his fingers on Dean's body, "because I need you." He looked down, unable to meet his brother's eyes any longer.

 _I need you_. Dean slowly shook his head. "I... I think so. But... different. Different from how you need me." He sighed shakily and cupped Sam's face, bringing him forward to brush their lips together. "I can't believe I'll never get to kiss you again."

Sam breath hiccupped in his chest as he tried not to cry. "Then stay." Sam had never begged for anything more in his life. "I will k..kiss you every day," Sam closed his eyes sensing that Dean had already made up his mind. "Your other Sam - if he's still a hunter - he'll be okay. I don't know - I... how do I live... like this without you?"

Dean's heart skipped a beat and he let his eyes fall closed, pulling in a shuddering breath. "This... this isn't... real..." Dean gasped; forcing himself to say the words even though they were the last thing he wanted to admit too. He couldn't take this anymore. Dean pushed up from the couch, pulling Sam up with him and dragging him forward to slide their lips together.

Sam's tears were flowing freely, "I am real... Dean," he said against his brother's mouth. Sam pulled back a little, his face wet with tears. "You _love_ me. I... I... I've been with you every day since - since I almost died." He grabbed Dean's hand and pressed it against his chest, "Please... don't leave me... I'm real - what if you're wrong? Maybe this is real." Sam pressed into Dean's body, holding him close, "p..please... I love you."

Tears streaming down his face, Dean wished he could tell Sam that he was right, that he was real, but Dean knew it now. He knew the truth even though it made his stomach swim with bile to consider. His lips fell across Sam's and he kissed him slow and tender, memorizing the taste and feel. It would be so easy to stay here, to forget about that other world, but his Sam, the _real_ Sam, needed him and Dean couldn't just leave him. "I love you too," he whispered as he pulled back from his brother, stepping further away until the inches between them became feet. He turned just to make the sight of Sam's tear streaked cheeks fade away.

Dean had no idea how to get back to his world, just that he supposedly had to _want_ to go back and there was no way he was going to want it whole heartedly if he could still see Sam. He needed to go outside, take some deep breaths and work things out. Dean forced himself not to turn back and look at Sam, even when there was a small crash and a loud sob, most likely Sam falling to his knees. Sucking in a sharp breath, he twisted the door knob under his hand. "Bye Sammy..." he whispered before tugging it open and stepping out.

-=-=-=-

"Sam!" He called out the moment he sat up on the stiff motel mattress. His eyes fluttered open, blinking away darkness and feeling oddly dry, like they hadn't been opened for ages. Some part of him had held on to the hope that he wouldn't remember the other world - the fake world - but he did. An uncontrollable sob shook his body as he felt his heart clench with the sinking reality that had just lost it all.

"Dean?" Sam leaped up from the chair he had somehow managed to fall asleep in. Hurrying over to the bed he sat down on the edge, "bout time dude! We've been sitting here..." Sam's eyes moved over his brother's face and the sound of his sobs sunk into Sam's sleep-addled brain. "Dean?" He reached out a hand and patted his brother's arm, "Hey man, you okay? You're back... we got you back."

"Oh god Sam..." Dean breathed and nearly crawled across the bed into his brother's lap, realizing too late that this wasn't his place. Something curled in his gut and he climbed off the bed, crossing the room and folding his arms across his chest.

"Dean?" Sam pushed up from the bed and moved over to stand behind Dean, "you... you probably need to drink something... water... you've been out for like God - three days. Bobby's asleep - you want me to go get him? Do you need anything?" He rested his hand on Dean's shoulder.

Shuddering slightly, Dean stepped away from Sam, turning toward him with wide eyes. "Three days? Only... three?" He parted his lips with his tongue, realizing his mouth was indeed very dry. "Yeah... water. Water would be good." He stared around the room as Sam crossed to the water jug. "Really only three days?"

"Only?" Sam moved quickly to the small fridge in the motel room and grabbed Dean a bottle of water. "Man - _only_ where were you? How long did you think you were gone? Were you with some hot chick or something?" Sam tried on a small smile but it faded quickly.

"It was about a month..." Dean took the bottle when Sam offered it, twisting off the top and drinking it down in several large gulps. "No girl. I was... in Port Angeles." Dean walked slowly toward the bed, staring at the ground as he sank down onto the mattress. This pain was unbearable. Every part of him ached. Tears pricked along his eyes and he watched them drop down onto his hands in tiny splashes. If he was with _his_ Sam he could kiss him, hold him, but he wasn't. He was with the real Sam, in the real world that was cold and lonely and full of monsters and things in the dark.

"Whoooa, Dean, man..." Sam walked over and sat beside his brother, bumping their shoulders together. "C'mon everything's fine... what... what happened to you there?" Sam dipped his head forward trying to see Dean's face, "did you get hurt?" He never knew what to do when Dean was upset.

Dean shook his head, swallowing thickly. "No. I'm fine. Really. It was... nice." He breathed out the words and shifted back. "Look, I know I probably smell, laying there for days on end. I think I'm going to shower. Get some food." Dean cleared his throat, trying to shift his mind back to this world. Back to hunter life. He plastered a fake smile on his face and pushed off the bed. "Where's my stuff?"

Sam rolled his eyes, "Well, Bobby and I _did_ take care of you while you were out... but yeah - I get that." Sam reached out, pulled back then stood when Dean did. "Your duffel's in the closet. You want me to go get you a burger?"

Dean flinched slightly at the words and forced his shoulders to relax slightly. "Yeah. And... you know, thanks Sam. For... for taking care..." he wet his lips and looked at Sam. It was the same face, the familiar curves and lines, the same lips that Dean could almost still taste. The desire to hold him close was too much and Dean stepped forward, wrapping his arms around Sam and laying his head on Sam's shoulder.

Hugging Dean was easy for Sam, it was always Dean who let go first. "I'm really glad you're back, Dean." Sam wrapped his arms around Dean's shoulder and squeezed him tight, them patted Dean's shoulder blade firmly and pulled back, or at least, he tried to. For the first time ever, Dean hadn't let go first. Frowning, Sam's hands fluttered back to Dean's back again and settled while he let Dean hang on to him.

Inhaling sharply over and over, Dean tried to gather enough of Sam's scent to last him for awhile. "Sam..." he breathed and just barely resisted pressing his lips to Sam's flesh. Finally he released his hold on his brother and stepped back, scrubbing a hand up through his hair. "I should go shower." The words didn't hold quite the level of steadiness that they should but that most likely had a lot to do with the tears he was fighting off.

Sam scratched his nose and watched Dean for a few moments. "Okay, I guess, then... I'll go and get you a burger... if you're sure you're alright." He smiled softly at Dean as he pushed his arms into his jacket.

Dean was anything but okay, but how was he supposed to tell Sam that he'd just unintentionally broken his heart into a million little pieces. He stared at the ground and thought about the nights in Sam's arms, the slide of their skin, how it felt to be buried in him. How was Dean supposed to go the rest of his life without that? "Yeah Sammy..." he said softly and headed toward the bathroom. "I'm fine."

Sam walked toward the door, hesitated a moment as he watched the bathroom door close behind his brother, then pulled the door open and went out to get them something to eat.

The water that sprayed over him was lukewarm at best, half the nozzle clogged, horrible water pressure, but Dean didn't really care. It wasn't like much could happen to make this whole thing suck more. He wondered what had happened to the not real Sam, prayed that he wasn't alone in their beautiful house, crying himself to sleep because Dean left though he'd promised he never would. As he turned off the shower ten minutes later he made a mental note to ask Sam about the curse, find out as much as he possibly could about it. He tucked the towel around his waist and stared at himself in the mirror. There were none of the bite marks that Sam had left on his chest and Dean didn't know whether to be relieved or crushed even further by that.

Sam drove straight to the nearest drive-thru that was open late and got some food for Dean. His brother didn't look _right_. Dean was hurt, and it was like somehow - all of him hadn't come back - or he'd left a piece of himself behind or something. Sam couldn't put his finger on it but he'd known Dean long enough to know when he wasn't _okay_.

In about fifteen minutes he was on his way back to the motel with one of everything on the menu. He wasn't sure what Dean would want - he and Bobby had tried to take care of Dean while he was out - but other than managing to keep him hydrated and clean - there wasn't much they could do. Sam was worried - so worried that he sped. When he burst through the motel room door, panting, Dean was dressed again and sitting on the bed with damp hair. He looked worse, somehow, than he had when Sam had left. "Hey," Sam dumped two full bags of food on the table and pushed his hair back off his face, nervous. "I got you some of everything - a couple of cheeseburgers, a chicken burger, some fries, onion rings... ice cream..." his voice trailed off and he looked over at Dean as he shrugged out of his jacket and threw it on the chair. "Dean?"

"Onion rings?" Dean blinked up at him, shaking his head and pushing off the bed. "Thanks I... I think I'll just start with a burger," He headed toward the table, opening the bag and sorting through until he found a cheeseburger and pulled it out. He undid the wrapper and took a bite but it tasted like ash. Swallowing thickly he set the burger on the table and pulled out the chair, dropping down. "You gonna eat? Got enough here to feed us for days."

Sam sat down on the other chair and fiddled in the bag until he found the ice cream. "Dean... you know you can tell me anything right? I mean if you need to talk." He looked down at the plastic cup as he tried to get the lid off, he pried at it with the spoon, tried to crack the lid - everything then he pushed it away and sighed.

Reaching over Dean grabbed the container and pulled off the lid almost easily. He slid it across the table to Sam before forcing himself to take another bite of his burger. "I don't... I don't think I'm really ready to talk about it." He said softly pulling out the fries and setting them between them. "How are, were, things here? I mean, you uh... killed the thing that did this?"

Frowning, Sam rubbed his forehead and pushed the ice cream away, "Yeah... it was a cursed object. You remember the old knife you picked up? Well," he leaned back on the chair and stretched his legs out under the table resting his knee against Dean's leg, "Bobby found some vague reference to it in one of those crazy books he has. Turns out it sends the person who finds it into this other world," he looked up at Dean, watching him chew for a few moments unsure of how much he should tell Dean, "and we, well," he shrugged, "Bobby, figured out that I had to convince you that you needed to leave that... place..."

"Oh," Dean nodded and tried not to focus on the flare of heat coming from the spot their legs touched. "Did it... say anything specific about the place it sends you too? Like, what might happen to it when you're not there? Or um... what makes it in the first place?"

Sam looked up at Dean's face, trying to see his eyes. "What we found said that the curse takes what you want, what you know, what you wish for and it rolls it all up into this new world - almost like a path-not-taken kind of thing. Makes it so real that you're trapped and don't want to leave. Is that..." Sam looked down at the table and laid his hands there, flat, palms pressing against the cool table, "is that why you're so... is it because you didn't want to come back?"

Dean swallowed around the fry in his mouth and wiped at his mouth with the back of his hand. "It's... hard." Dean nodded and pushed his food around on the wrapper. "I was really happy there, at peace. But you know, it's... you. And you needed me. And I couldn't just leave you here. I had to come back for you." He looked up at Sam and shrugged. _what you want, what you wish for_ it was fake. That world. Dean's heart unclenched slightly, knowing his precious, loving Sam was tucked away inside him now and not left alone. "I think I'm gonna go to bed."

"Oh," Sam pushed back quickly on his chair and then stood there not knowing what to do. "I guess, I'll... what was your world? Who was there?" He blurted it out because he wanted to know what Dean had wrenched himself away from.

"You were," Dean said softly and headed toward the bed, hesitating for a moment and looking over his shoulder at Sam. "And a few other people, made up, or at least I've never met them but they were, you know, great friends which I guess makes sense if they're figments of my imagination."

"Yeah?" Sam moved a little closer and sat on the end of Dean's bed. "What was I doing? Were we hunting?"

Dean's heart lurched. He wasn't really certain he was ready to get into this but he knew Sam, knew he'd be curious until Dean gave him _something_ to go on. "No, we weren't hunting. You worked for a lawyers firm, did research." He smiled at the thought of Sam in his business suit - flinching for a moment as he remembered pulling that tie off and using it to keep Sam's pinned above his head. Clearing his throat, he shook his head of the memory. "I owned an auto shop."

"That sounds really great." Sam smiled, "I'm glad that things weren't really shitty. So - were you married or something?" Sam knew it would happen one day, someone would take Dean away from him. His smile softened.

"No," Dean shook his head and pulled back the blanket on the bed, tossing it to the other side of the mattress and staring down at the white.

Sam blinked a few times, then pushed up off Dean's bed carding his hand through his hair. "Okaaay. Guess you don't want to talk about it." Sam looked down and realized he was still wearing his boots. He walked back to the door and toed his boots off, "you know - I'm sorry - that we brought you back from something that you... that was... something good."

Dean sighed softly and pushed his jeans off, climbing onto the bed and rolling on his side. "I can't explain it to you Sam. But I'm glad you brought me back. I... I wouldn't want to leave you here alone okay? And like you said, it wasn't real. So you know..."

"But if it _felt_ real, then you must be... I mean - it must have been hard to leave if you were happy there." Sam leaned against the motel room door. "You want me to sit with you for a while?" Sam shuffled his feet nervously. "I could rub your back, or I could talk to you for a while?"

It was a tad on the masochistic he knew, but Dean wasn't even sure he could fall asleep without it so he whispered softly, half his head buried in the pillow, "Do you... do you think you could lay here by me? For awhile?"

Sam's head tilted to the side and he frowned, then smiled. "Sure, Dean." He moved slowly, a bit unsure, sat on the opposite side of Dean's bed and wriggled over on top of the quilt so he was lying on his back next to his brother. "Okay?"

Dean stared at him with sad eyes, torn with what to do. Half of him wanted to pull Sam close and hold him, the other half couldn't even fathom Sam's reaction - or the rejection that would surely follow. "No," he gasped, surprised at the actual pain coursing through him. He couldn't do this. He needed to get back. He never should have left, the other Sam was right, the _real_ Sam was strong, he could handle this alone. Dean just wanted his perfect world back.

"No?" Sam moved so he could see Dean's face, "you want me to leave? Dean... should I get Bobby to talk to you?" He rolled over to face Dean and slipped his arm over his brother's shoulder, "C'mere." He tugged on Dean's shoulder and opened his arms. He didn't know what else to do, the look on Dean's face - the _loss_ in his eyes was breaking Sam's heart.

It was all the invitation Dean needed and he slid forward, crashing hard into Sam's body and instantly finding the perfect spot in which he fit best. It was like a habit, sliding his body flush against Sam's, slipping his leg between his brother's, arm on his chest while the other wrapped under his back. "Sam..." he breathed laying his head along his brother's shoulder and nuzzling into his neck.

Sam's heart kicked up a notch when Dean crashed into him; it was part panic and part shock. Sam's hands lifted as his eyes blinked rapidly and then he settled his hands on his brother's back. "Dean?" The thing was, Sam loved touching Dean, but he knew where the lines were and didn't like crossing them. Sam had realized, _long ago_ , that he and Dean had very different _ideas_ about how things should be.

"Can you just... can we just sleep?" Dean asked quietly. "You don't have to stay here all night if you don't want to... just for now? Until I fall asleep? Please Sam?"

Smiling sadly, Sam nodded then realized Dean couldn't see him. "Sure I can, Dean," he tightened his arms around Dean and shifted to get comfortable. "Sure," he moved one hand up to stroke over Dean's hair softly, "just go to sleep."


	4. Chapter 4

There was one beam of sunlight managing to slip through the gap between the curtains and it was falling right on Sam's face; more specifically right across his left eye. He blinked a few times and tried to move only to find that he was sort of, trapped. He was trapped under _Dean_. A slight smile tugged at the corner of his mouth as he tried to move the arm that was trapped under his brother, he couldn't even feel his fingers. He lay there for a few moments; Dean was basically lying across Sam's chest. It was a problem. Well, it was a problem if he wanted to get up without waking up his brother. Sam could smell the shampoo in Dean's hair; he leaned down a little closer and nuzzled into his brother's hair for a moment. It smelled good.

Sam had an additional problem. It was morning, he was hard and his brother's leg was lying right across his crotch. He wriggled his hips gently trying to get out from under Dean's leg and moaned softly. _Bad idea._

"Mmm..." Dean mumbled as he stretched his body, sliding firmer into Sam's warmth. A smile tugged on his lips as he felt Sam's morning wood against his leg. His hand drifted down Sam's chest, frowning slightly at the clothes under his fingers. Shifting his lips, Dean pressed a kiss to Sam's neck. "We go to bed in clothes?" His brain felt cloudy, still sleep ridden.

Sam shrunk away from his brother's lips even as his skin seemed to burn under the gentle touch. "I... didn't get undressed earlier," he murmured. He shifted his hips to the side trying to slide out from under Dean's thigh and groaned at the friction. "Dean?" he asked softly, "you awake?"

Blinking his eyes open Dean smirked, "No you wanna wake..." the wall on the other side of Sam's body came into focus and everything around him slammed to the front of his mind. "Fuck," he gasped and rolled away from Sam, overcompensating and landing hard on the floor with a loud groan.

The front door opened swiftly, Bobby stepping in to survey them. "Dean? Sam, you got him back?"

Dean pushed up off the ground and brushed shaking down his body. "Yeah. I'm back. I gotta... I have..." he swallowed thickly and pointed to the bathroom before heading that way and closing the door behind him.

Bobby's eyebrow arched curiously and he looked at Sam, "What was that all about?"

Sam jack-knifed up on the bed when he heard Bobby's voice and pulled the blanket into his lap knowing that he was blushing furiously. Not only was he freaked out by Dean's... _kiss_... he was a little worried that waking up with Dean lying on him hadn't bothered him nearly as much as it should.

Sam had invested the better part of ten years in stuffing his feelings about his brother. He knew it was wrong - had known since he was sixteen - and Dean had never gave Sam any indication that he had anything other than brotherly feelings. "Hey, Bobby," Sam ran a hand through his hair and flashed a crooked grin at their friend. "Dean's not himself. I... I'm a bit worried about him; I think he might need some time to get over all this mess."

"Well we have no idea what that world was like," Bobby nodded. "I gotta get goin' but you boys should take some time off. Give Dean some time to sort things out."

"Yeah - listen, thanks Bobby." Sam waved his hand.

"No problem, just glad he's back. You tell 'em to take care, ‘kay?" He gave Sam an encouraging head bob before heading out the motel door.

Sam scratched his head and flopped down on the bed. "Jesus." He reached down the front of his jeans and re-adjusted everything. "Dean! Bobby's gone if you wanna come back out."

Dean splashed water in his face, staring at his reflection. The pain was still there, just as much, if not more, intense. There was no way he was going to be strong enough for this. Sam had always been his biggest weakness, and now that he knew what it could be like between them... "Fuck." Sam's call had him pushing back from the sink and squaring his shoulders. He was going to need to do something about this. Either shove it all to the deepest recesses of his mind and pretend it didn't exist, or... make it exist. Only the chances of the real Sam seeing him in that light were pretty slim, naturally the Sam in his mind did but that wasn't real.

 _None of it was real._ Dean shook his head and turned, opening the bathroom door and stepping out. "Uh, sorry. Just didn't... wasn't up for another round of questions about..." He shrugged and headed to his jeans that were still on the floor by the bed.

"He had to go - told me to take care of you," Sam was still sitting in the bed with the blanket over his thighs and suddenly felt kind of uncomfortable. "Dean? What... were you dreaming about before you woke up this morning?"

"Oh um..." Dean worked at the button and zipper on his jeans. "I guess the... place. I left." He shrugged and walked over to the food left on the table, shifting through it. "Why? Did I say something?" He flushed at the thought.

"I guess not..." Sam ran his hand through his hair, "I mean - I don't know." Sam sat there looking at Dean not knowing what to do. "So - you gonna tell me what happened to you? While you were there I mean?" He shifted a little on the bed. "I'm not stupid, Dean, I mean I'm with you all the freaking time - I can tell just by looking at you that there's something... wrong." _That you're hurt, and broken and on the verge of falling apart._

Dean stared down at the cold onion rings and hated the fact that they made him feel so utterly depressed it was ridiculous. Dean had never felt so... girlie. He shouldn't feel like his heart was blowing away in the wind, after all, he had Sam. Right here in the room with him. And maybe it wasn't the Sam he was secretly craving but at least he was real, which was the most important thing. "Sam... I don't know what to say. I was happy, didn't have to worry about hunting or... we were... you know, good." He shrugged, hoping it would answer Sam's questions without giving too much away.

"Good as in - you and I... here aren't good?" Sam's brow was furrowed.

"No, we're good." Dean insisted. "But you know, we didn't have to constantly watch our backs. We had a house, somewhere we called home, and you know... jobs, friends. You were so happy... not like you are here."

Sam laughed, a little relieved, "God - Dean even in your dream world we're still sharing a house - that's a little sad even for us. And dude! I'm happy." He shrugged. "Were you happier there? With the other Sam?"

"It was different," Dean stared down at the ground. He swallowed and blinked rapidly a few times before looking back up. "I need coffee."

"Different?" Sam huffed and threw the blanket off him, "look - you obviously don't want to talk about it to me... but maybe you _should_ talk about it to someone." He pushed up off the bed, frustrated, "you know? If you don't learn how to communicate with people you're never gonna get married and have a family. I mean - if that's what was going on in that other world. _Not_ that I know what was going on there." He stormed into the bathroom and slammed the door then sat on the edge of the bath tub. So that other world, the other _Sam_ was better than him. Was he nicer? Calmer? Better at hunting or just less whiny? It might not seem like a big deal to Dean - but he could blow his _different_ comment right out his ass. Dean was heart-broken because he'd had to leave something that was better. He's had to give up good, for... Sam.

Dean blinked rapidly, staring at the closed door. Sighing softly he crossed to the bathroom and leaned against the frame. "Come on Sam. Don't be like this. It's not my fault I got cursed okay? There wasn't any wife or family or anything in that world, I'm telling you the truth." He rested his hand on the surface. "Please don't be like this... I'm sorry I'm so off I just... it's... when we... you and I were..." he sighed, there was really no way to get around this and for a moment Dean entertained the notion that he'd have to clear the air and tell the truth. That would be interesting.

"I'm not being _like_ anything," Sam said. "I'm having a shower." Sam sat in silence for a while, listening for the tell-tale signs of Dean moving away from the door. When he didn't hear any he groaned and dragged his hands through his hair. "You and I were... what?" His voice echoed strangely in the bathroom and he was startled at the sound of it.

Dean considered not answering, considered dropping onto the nearest bed and burying his hands in his hair. He didn’t though. "In love." He said softly, pressing his eyes hard into the heels of his hands. Chances were that Sam hadn't heard him, which was for the best, but at least later if asked he could say that he had told the truth.

Sam tilted his head towards the door, eyes guarded. He stood up quietly and pulled the door open finding himself face to face with Dean. "What did you say?"

Swallowing thickly, Dean locked eyes with Sam as he spoke. "We were in love, alright? We were _together_. We didn't hunt, we just lived a normal life, shared a bed, had sex, the full deal okay? There. That's where I was. Do you feel better knowing now?" He stepped back and folded his arms across his chest.

Sam chewed on the side of his bottom lip for a few moments. "No, actually... I _don't_ feel better knowing." Now, Sam didn't know what to do at all. He brushed past Dean and grabbed his duffel bag off the floor. "I told Bobby that we'd give him a call later tonight - let him know how you're doing. That's really the only thing I have planned for today." Sam's heart was pounding in his chest and his head ached like someone had just punched him in the jaw. Life could be really cruel sometimes. "You must be hungry," he rustled around in his duffel and pulled out a clean t-shirt, tossing it on the bed, "want to go and get some breakfast at the diner down the road?" He grabbed the bottom of his t-shirt and pulled it up over his head and put the clean one on.

Dean's heart sank. He'd figured Sam would never see him like the Sam in his mind did but he it had just been a thought in which he could still hold on to a thread of hope. Now though, judging from Sam's reaction, there was no hope at all. If Dean had any food in his stomach he would have thrown it up. "No. I'm not hungry," he said softly and walked to the bed, sitting on the edge and staring at the mattress across from him. "I shouldn't have told you. Obviously you can't handle the idea that your big brother's secret wish and desire is to be together. So... sorry. Just... pretend I never said anything, whatever. Let's just get back to normal. Have you found our next hunt?"

Sam stood across the room, folded his arms across his chest, then unfolded them and let them fall to his sides. "It was just a curse, Dean, just 'cause that's what happened in your dream - doesn't mean you want it..." he padded over to the other bed and sat down opposite Dean, "right?"

Dean snorted and turned his head to the side, rubbing his neck roughly beneath his hand. "Yeah that's why I feel like every part of me is breaking knowing I'll never get to kiss you, touch you, love you that way again." He sucked his lower lip between his teeth and bit down hard.

Sam's shoulders fell and he scratched his cheek. "It'll get easier, trust me."

Looking toward him, Dean frowned. "What do you mean it'll get easier?"

Sam fiddled with the hem of his t-shirt, long fingers rolling it up then unrolling it. "It gets easier - to live with... not having what you want." His eyes flicked up to Dean's then back down to his shirt. "I mean, it's hard sometimes, but you get used to it... and then one day you wake up and you realize that you've learned to make the emptiness a part of you. And - it's just okay all of a sudden." He shrugged. "So - it will get better - you won't always miss... _that_ Sam."

Dean swallowed and shook his head. "Sam... _that_ Sam was you. He wasn't any different, just traveled down a different path then we have. If you think it'll get easier to live with you... after I know... I've felt... after..." He sighed, struggling with making his words make sense. "What is it you wanted? Or want?"

"I can't say it." Sam's eyes were prickling with tears. There was no way that he could give up all the walls, the practiced routine, the way he had learned to accept his fate in terms of Dean and how he felt about him. The thing was, Dean would go back to normal - this was all the curse talking and if Sam... if he let all of those feeling surface he would be left alone in the end to deal with them. He'd have to learn how to live with them all over again.

"Great." Dean pushed up off the bed and crossed to his own duffel bag, digging around for his socks and shoes. "You know what Sam? You're such a fuckin' hypocrite. Getting mad at me for not telling you what happened and then you can't even tell me..." he scoffed and plopped down on the nearest chair, tugging on the items.

"I..." Sam's voice broke and he pushed up off the bed, "I'm going to go out and get us... something." He blinked his tears away as he stuffed his feet into his boots and grabbed his jacket off the back of the chair. "You want anything while I'm out?" He stopped beside Dean, facing away from him, fishing the car keys out of his pocket.

Dean rolled his eyes, ah the typical Winchester way. Monsters they could handle, real life emotions they fled. "Coffee." He said simply and stared hard down at the ground, forcing himself to not look up at his brother and see that look in his eyes. Dean didn't know what it was - which was odd because he thought he knew all Sam's looks - but it seemed a little like pity and the last thing Dean wanted was his brother's pity.

Sam desperately wanted to touch Dean, just rest his hand on his brother's shoulder the way he had a million times before; the way he always let Dean know that everything was okay. But his fingers just twitched at his side and he cleared his throat. "Okay, I'll bring you coffee..." He reached for the door handle and closed his eyes... then stepped back quickly and squeezed Dean's arm. "It'll all be... okay."

Dean yanked his arm back before he even realized what he was doing. "Don’t." He said softly but his voice was even, flat. He looked up and met Sam's eyes. "You want me over this? You don't touch me." He walked to the bed and dropped down on it, squeezing his eyes shut and waiting for Sam to go.

"Wow." Sam took a deep breath. "Okay, won't happen again." He left quickly, slamming the door behind him, determined to stay away until he could look at his brother without wanting to cry or be sick. He was pretty sure he'd be away until Dean gave up on waiting for his coffee.

-=-=-=-

Sam's body was all lines and flesh and felt so good under Dean, he couldn't get enough. He rolled his hips into his brother's, loving the way his head fell back, the way he moaned Dean's name like it was the only word he knew. Somewhere in the farthest part of his mind he knew it was only a dream but that didn't matter. He thrust into Sam with wild abandon, hitting his pleasure spot over and over. "Sam..." he moaned, digging his fingers into Sam's legs, pushing hard to grant himself more room to slide deliciously deep. "Fuck Sammy..." he groaned, rocking forward but it wasn't enough, it was never enough. "Need you Sam... need..." If he could just get _more_.

Cracking the door open quietly Sam paused, he was sure he heard his name. He waited and heard nothing more so he slipped quietly into the room and shucked of his jacket. He frowned when he heard Dean moan and toed off his boots... cringing. He was _not_ listening to the decidedly-happy noises that his brother was making in his sleep. He unbuckled his belt and tugged his jeans off and padded over to his bed, getting in the side farthest from Dean and buried his head under the covers.

It was right there, so close he could taste it. "Gonna... Sam..." he growled low in his throat and opened his eyes to stare down into lust blown hazel green eyes. "You like that Sammy?" He mumbled and thrust forward again. When Sam moaned a yes, Dean lost it. Half a dozen thrusts later and he came, hard. Dean's eyes really shot open this time as warm liquid pooled in his boxers. This time his groan was less then pleasurable and he smashed his face into his pillow and let out a sob. This was unbearable.

Sam sat bolt-upright in bed. "Dean!" He yelled and threw his spare pillow in the general direction of his brother. "Shut. Up." He peered through to darkness to see what the hell was going on in his brother's bed. "Dean! You're dreaming... wake up." Sam couldn't handle this, he couldn't even manage to lay there and pretend he hadn't heard his brother's voice, the lust, the way he said his name. There was no way he was going to listen to that. And now? He had no idea what was going on in the other bed now. "Dean???"

"Leave me alone Sam," Dean flushed, of course Sam had to choose _that_ moment to finally come back. He crawled out of bed, shifting uncomfortably and bee lined for the bathroom. He showered only as long as he had too, not touching himself except to clean the cooling come of his body. Not that he didn't know before, but this was really going to suck. Sam was wrong. There was no way he was going to get used to this. He'd _had_ his brother, there was no giving that up now. The trick was figuring out what to do about it. It seemed pretty unlikely Sam was just going to magically confess about secret feelings for him, but there was some secret and so maybe...

Sighing heavily Dean tucked a towel around his waist and headed back out to the main room, not looking over to see if Sam was still in his bed or even in the room. He was just going to dress, climb back into bed, and pathetically cry himself back to sleep. Or lay there and stare at the ceiling. Or climb into Sam's bed and take him in the middle of the night the way he so badly wanted to. Dean told himself that was a bad idea and pulled on a clean pair of boxers, searching for a full minute for his most comfortable shirt until he remembered that shirt had been in his other reality and he grabbed the first one that smelt remotely clean.

Sam grunted at the noise Dean was making as he rummaged around in his bag. "Are you just about done?" he growled.

Dean shook his head quietly in the night. Before... everything, Dean would have thought up some stupid retort like 'stop being a pussy' or whatever but now? Now Dean didn't have it left in him to fight with Sam. "Yeah," was his only response and he climbed into the side of his bed that wasn’t come stained and slid under the blankets, staring up at the ceiling and wondering if this was about the time the curse really kicked in. It hadn't been a curse to live happily ever after in Port Angeles after all. So this had to be it.

Sam sat bolt upright in bed. "So - you're just gonna go to sleep now? I come in after being out all fucking day and night... and... and... normally you would kill me for that... and you're making all these noises in your sleep like you're fu... like you're... doing something to me. To _me_ , Dean - in case you missed that part. And, now you're just going to go to sleep like nothing happened?" He ran out of breath before his common sense kicked in. He cringed.

Dean turned his head to the side and stared at his brother. "You want a lecture? You want me to tell you what a shitty thing it was for you to leave after... everything... and not come back all day? Not tell me where you were? I don't think you do, and I'm fairly certain you already know that so what else is there for me to say? If you're looking for an apology because I dreamed about _fucking_ you then you might as well get over it because that's not coming."

"Don't say that shit about me." Sam flopped back down on the bed. "I don't need to know that, stupid, this is all so freaking stupid. If I had known things were gonna be like this... I would never have..." he snapped his jaw shut and rolled away from Dean. "Just shut up and go to sleep."

Everything sank in Dean and he pushed out of the bed, crossing to his duffel in one quick movement. He grabbed the first pair of jeans and yanked them on hard. "You disgusted with me? Fine, I'll just go. This way you can pretend you never brought me back and I can..." he trailed off, not even bothering with the rest of the sentence that would likely only serve to piss Sam off more. He searched around in the darkness, finding his boots and socks and working quickly to tug them on.

"You leave - you're walking. I have the car keys... and... and don't call me... but call Bobby because he doesn't deserve to be treated the way you're treating me." Sam's hand slipped out from under the covers and grabbed the keys quietly off the bedside table, then slipped back under the covers. Dean would never leave without his car - he might leave Sam behind... which hurt like hell.

Dean stormed across the room. "That's _my_ car and I'll take her if I want." He snapped. His full intentions were to reach under the covers and grab Sam's hands, forcing him to give up the keys. Only when he stepped that close, hovering over the bed, he was assaulted with all the smells he associated with Sam and his eyes darted across his brother's features. His lips were over Sam's before he could even comprehend what he was doing. Crushing down hard, thrusting his tongue in between Sam's silky lips and trace over curves that were so familiar they ached. Dean knew he was seconds away from getting a hard punch in the face but it was worth it. _One last kiss_ he told himself, clamping his hands to either side of Sam's face and forcefully tilting his head to get the best angle.

Sam's body did two things. Desire shot through him, worse than he'd ever felt before - he wanted Dean more than ever. More than when he was sixteen years old and laying in bed with his _big brother_. His body also pulled away - he didn't want Dean to know what he felt, couldn't go through the loss again of having to deal with his feelings. He scrambled back away from Dean, ran out of bed and fell backwards cracking his head on the night table. He was stunned and his head ached, and he was pretty sure he could feel blood trickling down his forehead. He lay there, trying to figure out what had happened and had to close his eyes because he felt ill.

"Shit," Dean gasped at the loud noise and hurried around the bed, reaching on the nightstand to flip on the lamp before kneeling beside his brother. "Sam," he reached out, tugging on his arm and dragging him up and onto the bed. Dean sat him up, supporting his weight and reaching out to gingerly touch the man's hair. His fingers came away stained red and he inhaled sharply. "It's okay Sam, don't worry, come on," he lifted his brother up off the bed, dragging him toward the door. This was bad. Very, very bad. Not only had he just kissed his brother and freaked him out, he was wholly responsible for a head injury that looked pretty fucking awful. Sam's fingers were still clenched around the keys and he pried them loose. "Hey, stay awake Sam, come on, stay with me."

"Dean? M’fine." Sam tried to wipe the blood off his face with his hand. "Sick... that’s all." _God_ , his head ached.

"You're not fine," Dean steered them out the door, looking around for the Impala and helping Sam toward it. It occurred to him that Sam was barefoot in boxers and a t-shirt, which probably wasn't the best thing to wear but there wasn't much an option. He unlocked the passenger door and leaned Sam against the side of the car, tugging open the door before helping the man in. Sam opened his mouth to protest again but Dean simply shut the door. Hurrying around to the other side, he unlocked his door and climbed in. The engine roared to life and Dean pulled out of the parking lot. This was the same town he and Sam had been in before the curse and he wracked his brain trying to remember if they'd been to the hospital. It felt like weeks had passed since he'd been here, which was a little true. "Sam? Come on, stay awake. I need you to tell me where the hospital is."

"Don't know..." Sam just wanted to go to sleep and... not feel sick. He let himself fall over towards Dean and tried to push Dean's arm out of the way so that he could lie on his brother's chest. It was comfortable there. Sam remembered it.

Dean shifted to give Sam more room, hand falling to Sam's knee and squeezing. "Try and stay awake okay? You're bleeding pretty badly." Dean tried to stay calm as he made the first right and scanned the streets for any hospital signs. It was no use. So he pulled into the nearest gas station and carefully slid out from under Sam, laying him gently on the seat before leaving the car running and darting inside for directions.

Ten minutes later they were pulling up in front of the emergency exit and Dean was helping a nearly passed out Sam inside. It was stupid. They'd been in worse scraps then this, but Dean knew head injures weren't something to fuck around with and the way this one was gushing blood, it definitely couldn't be good. The nurse behind the check in station rushed around to help him, pulling up a wheel chair for Sam to sit in.

"I'm afraid I can't let you go back there with him," she explained as she pushed him toward the swinging doors.

"He's my brother, I have to," Dean followed her, rubbing the drying blood on his pant leg.

"You _can't_ ," she hissed and gestured with her hand to two burly security guards who stepped up to hold him back. Dean considered fighting them - he probably could have won - but there was the chance they'd deny Sam treatment or something and he couldn't run the risk.

Looking around them he watched several doctors and nurses lifting Sam onto a bed, rushing around him. "Sam..." he breathed, heart thudding in his chest. He made to move forward but the guard’s heavy hand came to rest on his shoulder. Dean looked at it, judged that it could probably easily wrap around his neck, and stepped back.

"Gonna need you to wait in the waiting room sir," the guard's voice was deep and heavy and his stance said 'fight it, I dare you, I'll kick your ass so hard you'll feel it for a month.'

With a final glance toward Sam - the area being blocked off now by a pulled curtain - Dean turned and headed for the waiting room.

Everything passed in a weird sort of blur. At some point a nurse came and asked him a bunch of questions about Sam, had him fill out some papers, and Dean sprouted out answers almost without thought, knowing his brother like the back of his hand. Better even. He used one of their fake insurance cards, giving all the right info to the nurse but the name, and stared blankly at the wall. About an hour after arriving it occurred to him that he hadn't eaten since the night before and even then it had only been a few bites from a burger and some fries but his stomach hurt too much to eat. He'd deal with it later.

Now he was focused wholly on the ER doors, praying someone would come and update him soon. When ninety minutes passed without a word, he crossed to the nurses’ station and asked, waiting and forcing himself not to pace as she went in back to check. When she returned he perked up, looking expectantly at her. "He's resting now, the cut was pretty deep, he has quite a few stitches but luckily they only had to cut some of his hair and not shave it all off."

Dean blinked at her. Why the fuck would he care about his _hair_? "But is he okay? I mean, he's gonna be fine?"

"They'll want to do some more scans when he wakes up, check for more damage, and they did have to give him some blood but he should be just fine." She folded her hands together and sighed. "I'm not supposed to let you but... well since you are family, would you like to go back there? He's sleeping and he shouldn't be woken up, but..."

"Yeah," Dean nodded, already heading toward the swinging doors.

Sam looked oddly peaceful, even with the bandages wrapped around his head. There was an IV hooked into his arm, a blood pressure cuff around the other arm, and a machine keeping tabs on his heart rate. Just the sight of him had Dean's knees weakening and he worked to keep himself up right. "I'll give you some time," the nurse said softly and squeezed his arm before walking out and pulling the curtain closed around them once more.

Dean scooted a chair over to the side of the bed, dropping down and reaching out to take Sam's hand. Something flashed in his mind, the Sam from his world, the story of the accident. That wasn't this though. There wasn't likely to be some big moment in which Sam realized he had feelings for Dean too and they got to live happily ever after. Hell, Dean had kissed him and Sam ended up in the hospital attached to a fucking IV because of it.

A soft sigh fell from his lips and he let his head rest against the mattress, still holding Sam's hand between his. "I'm so sorry Sam..." he whispered, eyes sliding closed. At least his brother was going to be alright, that was the most important thing.

-=-=-=-

Someone had run over Sam with a truck. He was completely convinced of that the first time he tried to open his eyes. It felt like a knife was jabbing into his head. _Jesus Christ_ , his head hurt. The night before was a bit of a blur. He remembered Dean's voice, the kiss. His body wanted to sit up but there was no way that Sam's head was going to co-operate with that. _The kiss._ Dean kissed him. _Dean_ kissed him. Sam cracked his eyes open again and he looked down to see Dean, sleeping. Sam couldn't help smiling, Dean always looked kind of _cute_ when he was asleep. Sam's smile faded a little when he noticed that his hand was warm and comfortable because Dean was holding it.

Sam squeezed Dean's hand "Dean?" His voice was rough, his throat dry. He really needed some water. He reached over with his free hand and stroked his fingers down Dean's cheek. "Hey, Dean?"

"I didn't do it!" Dean hollered when he sat up, blinking rapidly clear the black haze from his eyes. "Whoa, weird dream." He shook his head before his eyes landed on the hospital bed and he shot up out of the chair, squeezing Sam's hand. "Jesus Sammy are you okay? Can I get you anything? Should I get a nurse?" He half turned, already planning on heading out to find the nearest nurse.

"No..." Sam groaned. "Water?" He didn't loosen his grip on Dean's hand.

"Water," Dean nodded and turned, looking around for the table. Luckily it wasn't too far out of the way and he stretched forward, still resting his palm in Sam's and dragging the table closer. He sniffed the water for a moment before pouring a glass and bringing it up to taste. "Not the best, but not completely stale. I know you hate stale water." He stepped back to Sam and handed him the full glass.

Sam's hand was shaking but he managed to get the glass to his lips and drink a little bit of it. "Thanks..." he handed the glass back to Dean. "What happened?" He cleared his throat. "Did they stitch me up?"

"Yeah," Dean nodded and reached out to lay his fingers over the bandage for a moment before pulling back. "Not too bad, they had to shave all your hair off though. You're completely bald."

A smile tugged at the corner of Sam's lips. "I can see my hair out of the corner of my eye dude." He frowned and blinked a few times. "My head hurts." He tightened his hold on Dean's hand and settled back into the pillow. "You okay?"

"Of course I am," Dean nodded and shrugged. "Worried, terrified actually that it was worse then what it turned out to be. Look Sam..." Dean dragged his tongue across his lips. "I'm sorry about... I shouldn't have..." he held up a hand when Sam opened his mouth. "Let me finish okay?" He waited until Sam closed his mouth before going on. "It's... gonna take awhile for me to you know, be one hundred percent again but I promise I'll work on it. And I'm _always_ going to have those feelings for you but I'll keep them to myself okay? I can't... I can't live without you. Even if that means us just being, you know, just brothers. I'll take that over not having you at all. So... you know, you don't have to worry that I'm going to attack you or something the next time we get in a motel room. I promise, all um... those type of thoughts will stay silent." He stared down at the place where his hand cradled Sam's and tried to tell himself he could handle it.

"I..." Sam threaded his fingers through Dean's. "Can we talk about this later? I mean... I've got things to say too." Sam was so tired, his eyes were already closing. "I want to..." he tightened his grip on Dean's hand and drifted off to sleep.

Dean smiled softly and reached up to trace his fingers down Sam's face. He watched Sam sleep for awhile before gently prying away his hand. Stepping away from his brother he headed out to the nurses’ station, letting her knew he'd be back in ten minutes or less. She looked like she was about to argue his returning but he simply leveled his gaze at her and said once more with an even tone, "I'll be back in ten minutes."

Hurrying through the hall Dean made a quick stop at the restroom before following the signs to the cafeteria. He allowed himself some time to think about what Sam might want to talk about but really, it was safer to not make any assumptions before that time came. Right now he simply needed to focus on Sam getting better so they could go back to the motel and then leave this city. The further away he was, the better he was sure he would feel.

It was going to be hard, getting used to not being with Sam in the way he wanted, but Dean had already dealt with so much crap in his life, there was very little he couldn't take. He wasn't too sure how to stop the dreams but well, he'd figure that out later.

On his way back to Sam's room he popped into the gift shop and bought a box of bright pink bubble gum cigars and a large purple flower. A smirk danced across his lips as he paid for his items and gathered up the tray of food, making it back to the ER in just thirty seconds over ten minutes. The nurse gave him a withering look - which Dean matched without hesitation - before he disappeared around the curtain.

Sam slept for most of the day but Dean didn't mind. He spent a lot of time thinking and staring at his brother with slightly sad eyes. At some point they came and shooed him away so they could move him up to the third floor. It wasn't the ICU, which Dean supposed was a good sign, and he stepped back into the room the moment the nurse left. It was nicer to be in a room anyway and Dean turned on the TV in pretense of watching, though he only shifted the chair close to Sam's beside again and laid his hand protectively along Sam's heart. He lost himself in thought with the steady beats under his fingers and he stared at the colorless bed sheets with dry eyes.

"Dean?" Sam blinked his eyes open. "I want to get out of here." Sam yawned and scratched at the bandages on his head; he let his hand fall onto Dean's where it rested against his chest. "Can we go?" Sam wanted to just be with Dean, just sleep, and be with his brother.

Dean smiled at him softly. "I wish we could, but they need to run a few more tests. Normally I'd say screw it but well, if there's head trauma." He shrugged and pursed his lips together. "It's just safer to let them run the tests. I could let them know you're up though, ask if they could get you in now?"

"It's not good to be here too long," Sam pressed Dean's hand to his chest. "The insurance and stuff, Dad... well, he would have said we should get out quickly." Sam turned his bleary eyes to Dean's, "I'm good... and if anything goes wrong you can bring me back, right?" He looked at Dean from under his lashes and gave him his best _Sammy_ smile.

Sighing softly, Dean worried his lower lip between his teeth and frowned. "I know about the insurance but Dad also wouldn't have wanted to risk your health Sam." He looked around. "Your head still hurt? There could be internal bleeding or something. Do you really want to risk it? I watched this medical show were some chick just dropped dead from internal bleeding in her brain, no warning at all. You need the tests." He fought Sammy's puppy dog smile with firm eyes.

"I'm fine, Dean," Sam smiled, "I just have a regular headache because I'm a _clumsy_ idiot." He reached out and slipped his hand behind Dean's neck. "Come on - you can take care of me at the motel."

Rolling his eyes Dean glanced toward the door. "Sam..." he sighed and gave in. "Alright but the minute you feel slightly off we're coming back. Or well, going to a different hospital cause this one probably won't have us back." He crossed the room and picked up Sam's clothes from the night before, still only boxers and t shirt stained with blood. That wasn't going to work. He tossed the boxers at Sam and stuffed the shirt into his pocket, heading for the door. "I'm gonna go track you down some scrubs to wear. Drink some water, it's on the table. Be back in a minute."

Sam swung his legs over the side of the bed and grabbed the glass off the table. He _was_ a little dizzy but that was perfectly normal after he cracked his skull. He just didn't want to be in the hospital and he wanted his chance to talk to Dean before anything went wrong. He managed to get the boxers on and was still sitting on the edge of the bed when Dean came back.

Dean hesitated, glancing over Sam's pale form and frowning. "I don't know Sam... I really think you should let them run the tests, they'll have the results back by tomorrow." Dean worked the green scrubs between his fingers, staring at Sam with worried eyes. "I'd never forgive myself if something happened to you."

"Dean, please." Sam's shoulders dropped a little. "I just want to be with you. I don't want to be here. I'll rest better if you and I... if we're safe." Sam pressed his lips together.

Nodding slowly, Dean handed over the clothes. "Alright, think you can walk out?" He shifted around the room, staring at the flower and bubble gum cigars for a moment before rolling his eyes and pushing them off to the side. He was so stupid sometimes. "Looked pretty deserted out there, I think I can get us to the back stairway, and then we can leave out the side door on the ground floor..."

"Hey," Sam grinned, "were those for me?"

"Oh um..." Dean shrugged and nodded. "Yeah I just, remembered how you liked the candy cigarettes when we were younger and thought..." he pushed them forward slightly. "Lame, I know. Here let me help with that IV." Dean rounded back to him, taking Sam's arm between his hand and pulling off the tape that covered the needle in a sharp tug. He looked up at Sam, fingers hovering over the needle itself before sliding it quickly out. The machine beeped for a moment and Dean unplugged it from the wall. "Good thing they took off your heart monitor or this would be a lot harder."

Sam reached out and grabbed his candy and his flower and tucked them under his arm while Dean was fussing with his IV site. "Ready?"

"Yeah, stick close." Dean peeked his head out the door before stepping out, curling his hand around Sam's arm and leading him down the hall. They found the stairwell fairly quickly and Dean managed to keep one eye on Sam as they descended all three flights. By the time they reached the Impala in the parking lot Sam looked like he was about to pass out and Dean was really regretting his decision. "Sam..." he said softly, pulling open the passenger door and reaching out to touch Sam's face. "Are you okay?"

"M'good." Sam blinked a few times and tried to straighten up. He sank down gratefully into the front seat of the car. "Let's go, Dean." He smiled until Dean closed the door and then rubbed his eyes quickly. He was a little light-headed but he was pretty sure he could make it back to the Motel. He just had to get to the bed and he'd be fine. When Dean opened the driver's side door - Sam turned and smiled at him, "ready?"

Dean studied him for a moment - trying to tell himself that this wasn't a bad decision - and nodded, starting the car. He drove them quickly back to the motel, once more stopping at a gas station to pick up some assorted snack foods and some painkillers. It was a relief to get to the building, if only because Sam looked not so good and Dean was really starting to doubt his decision making skills. "We're here Sammy," he said softly as the pulled up, linking the bag under his arm before climbing out of the car and rounding to the passenger door to help Sam out. "Still okay?"

Sam was still clutching his candy and flower in one hand when he reached out the other to Dean. "M'good... stop fussin'." He smiled, even thought he felt a little woozy. He pulled himself up with Dean's help, relieved to see the Motel. He let Dean lead him back inside, he'd never been happier to see the inside of a crappy motel room. He managed to make it to the end of the bed and sat down quickly before Dean realized how weak he was feeling. "Okay - it's time for sleep." He smiled.

"I think you should eat something, just a little bit so you can take these pain meds," Dean dropped the bag on the other bed, sorting through it to pull out a ham sandwich and ripping open the package. He pulled out half for Sam, handing it to him before going back to the bag to retrieve a bottle of orange juice and the meds. He sat at Sam's side, holding the items in one hand and allowing the other to rest on Sam's back, rubbing in small circles. "I shouldn't have taken you from there. Damnit, this is gonna come back and haunt me I know it."

Sam smiled, "you keep fussin' and I'm gonna go get my own room." Sam took the sandwich and took a small bite, chewed and swallowed. "I'm not very hungry you know - just eating to shut you up." He took another bite and put his candy down so he could look at the flower.

"Yeah, yeah," Dean snorted and twisted off the cap of the orange juice, setting it on the night stand before working on the medicine bottle. "You need some of the food for your stomach anyway. That's what they say right?" He glanced at the bottle to see if it said anything specific but didn't get far, tiny words and not much sleep didn't mix well. Instead he turned his head to the side and considered Sam. "So... you wanna take these and sleep now? Or um... talk?"

"I'll take those, and we'll talk until I fall asleep?" Sam took another bite of sandwich, fingers rolling the flower stem back and forth. He put the flower down beside him and took the pills, tossed them in his mouth and took the orange juice. Tipping his head back to swallow the pills hurt a little and the grimace was on his face before he could hide it.

"See, I knew you were in more pain then you were letting on," Dean frowned deeply, setting the pill bottle to the side. "Damn I wish it wasn't so easy to give in to you." He scowled for a second before sighing and shaking his head. "Well, you're just going to have to deal with me being fussy and whatever over you because you didn't want to be at the hospital."

Sam smiled softly, "can I lie down now?" He reached down and pulled his shirt off, tugging it gently over his bandage, then stood up and wriggled out of the scrubs. He thought about trying to find his duffel to find some clean boxers but really? He couldn't be bothered. He paused for a few moments then slipped his boxers down and moved slowly around the bed to crawl in. It was a bit of a battle to get under the covers but he made it. "Hey - can I have my stuff?" He waved his hand at his flower and candy.

"Uh... sure." Dean looked at him oddly before picking up the flower and the candy and crossing to Sam's side, holding it out to him. "Can I... ask why?"

Sam shrugged, "'cause you gave 'em to me?" He set them on the bedside table and smiled smugly. "You don't give me stuff all that often. Man, I should spit my skull open more often." He nestled further down into the bed. "You gettin' in?"

"Very funny," Dean mumbled and kicked off his shoes. The thought of being in the same bed with Sam thrilled him, though he knew it probably shouldn't and he _knew_ nothing could happen so it was safe to simply stay in his jeans and shirt - even though they were still stained with old blood. He climbed on top of the blanket on the other side of the bed and shifted his shoulders, rolling over to slip off the light. "Wake me up if you feel sick okay?"

"Dean? Take your clothes off, get comfy - then get under the covers," Sam sighed, "please?"

Blowing out a slow breath - _he had to add the please_ \- Dean climbed off the bed once more and pulled his shirt off followed quickly by his jeans. He tossed his clothes toward the pile of laundry they really needed to do,. The blanket curled under his fingers and he tugged it up, sliding under and settling once more on his back. "Satisfied?"

Sam shifted closer, slipped his arm over Dean's chest and tucked up close to his side. " _Now, I'm almost satisfied." He sighed and rested his cheek on Dean's shoulder. "So - about that kiss..."_

It was natural to wrap his arms around Sam, pull him in and hold him close like he'd be aching to do since the moment he no longer could. "Sam..." he said softly, not really wanting to go down this path right now.

"Dean, do you remember that girl... Mary something or other. She was probably like, pretty important to you. You were nineteen, almost twenty. I remember," he yawned and shuffled closer to Dean so he could throw his leg over his brother's. “One night after you'd been out with her - I... well, you heard me in the night - thought I had a nightmare so you climbed into bed with me and held me in your arms." Sam was having trouble keeping his eyes open, his breathing deepened.

"Oh god..." Dean inhaled sharply, hardly believing the words. "I... yeah, I think I know... I get it." Dean nodded and pressed a small kiss to the top of Sam's head. "Don't worry about it now Sammy, get some sleep. I'll be here when you wake up."

"I didn't have a nightmare..." Sam's voice was quiet, his hand slid up and curled around Dean's neck, fingers moving in his hair, "I was crying because I saw you kissing her and knew you'd never kiss me like that..." He nuzzled into Dean's neck, lashes falling to his cheeks as his eyes closed. "Love you."

Tears pricked along Dean's eyes and he nodded, even though he knew Sam couldn't see him. "Yeah Sammy, I love you too." His heart thudded heavily in his chest. "Hey Sam? When you're feeling better, how would you feel about going to the Grand Canyon?"

Sam mumbled something incoherent and kissed Dean's shoulder.


	5. Chapter 5

The first thing Dean knew for sure when he woke was that he was on a motel bed. It was uncomfortable, too stiff, and the sheets felt almost starchy across his legs. So many mornings waking on a comfy king sized mattress really had spoiled him - even if they were all imaginary. It was too early to try and think that way though so Dean let the thoughts drift away. Instead he centered in on the heat against his side. _Sam_. His Sam. The one hundred percent real, not a figment of his deepest and darkest desires, Sam. Dean's heart kicked into double time almost instantly and he let his eyes drift open and fall across the sleeping form of his brother.

The bandage had shifted slightly in the night, slightly askew, hair sticking up around it wildly. But Sam's skin tone was looking better, more rosy, less pale. Dean smiled softly and brushed his lips across his brother's head. The prospect of waking him was tempting, but Dean knew sleep was important for these sorts of injuries. Unless it was a concussion but well, the hospital had let him sleep. "I love you Sammy..." he whispered quietly, hoping the words would penetrate his brother's unconscious and settle there like a warm, comforting blanket.

Sam shifted closer to the warm body that way lying beside him. He wondered briefly where he was but somewhere deep in his mind he remembered that they got Dean back and he relaxed. His fingers moved in small circles on the warm flesh under his palm. Right before he drifted back under the waves of sleep, Sam pressed his lips gently to the warm skin under his cheek.

Dean lay awake for hours, holding Sam, mind plotting over various things. His fingers traced absently down Sam's back, over his skin, along the hem of his waist band. Dean hummed soft and quiet, a song he didn't know the words too, just the melody, and pressed occasional kisses to his brother's hair. The house in Port Angeles had been nice but as Dean thought about it, it hadn't necessarily been what they might have picked out. It was what Dean thought when he thought of a house, because of all the houses they'd been in on cases. Should Dean and Sam buy their own house, Dean thought it might be more quirky. This had him wondering what type of house Sam would pick out for himself. Dean could probably have trailed down these thoughts all day but Sam stirred beneath him, drawing his attention.

As Sam struggled to open his eyes he cleared his throat. "Dean..." his brain was putting everything together; he withdrew his arm shyly from where it was lying across his brother's chest. "Sorry..." he rolled away from Dean moving to lie on his back, "you could have left me here - you must be bored out of your mind." Sam rubbed his eyes.

"No," Dean shifted and followed Sam's roll, falling into the curve of his body as Sam settled on his back. Fingers coming out to ghost along Sam's forehead, he smiled softly, "How are you feeling this morning?"

Sam took inventory of his body, he head was aching like a bastard but he felt better in general than he had the night before. He didn't feel dizzy or nauseous and, from his perspective, that was a _big_ improvement. "Better? I think?" He smiled, suddenly feeling a little apprehensive. His bravado from the night before had faded quite a bit and he was left wondering if his brother was going to hate him for feeling... well, for feeling the way he had for all those years without saying anything. "Head hurts pretty bad."

"I bet," Dean nodded and turned to roll of the bed, snatching the bag from the night before and digging through to pull out a bag of beef jerky. "I know this isn't exactly the most nutritious thing in the world but well..." he shrugged and smiled, climbing back onto the bed and sitting Indian style, leg pressed up against Sam's side, staring down at him. "Eat some of this and you can take some more medicine, I could hit up a drive thru if you wanted."

"We've gotta talk." Sam didn't want to take any pills until he managed to get all the words out that had been whirling through his mind since the moment he opened his eyes. Squeezing his eyes shut to block out the ache in his head, Sam pushed himself up so he was leaning against the headboard. His world tilted a little bit as his blood pressure adjusted and he blinked a few times. He shifted back a little from Dean and looked away.

Dean's heart sank a little and he sighed, tugging at the bag of beer jerky until it tore open and he reached inside for a piece of the dried meat. He chewed silently on it for awhile before swallowing and saying softly, "Are you... is this the part where you tell me everything you said last night wasn't really? Because I really am trying man but I don't think I'm gonna be able to pretend it doesn't exist if you keep getting my hopes up like that." He offered the bag out to Sam after snagging another piece himself.

"What? No. To be honest I'm not even sure I _know_ what I said last night." Sam had the vaguest memory of starting to tell Dean about _the_ night. The night that Sam realized - his relationship with Dean would never be what he had always wanted it to be... without even knowing. He was too young then, he figured, to have even had a realistic idea of what his feelings meant, what the implication was of _loving_ your brother. Sam looked over at Dean, took a deep breath and moved his hand to push the bag away. The last thing he wanted was to eat. Unsure, he let his hand settled on Dean's thigh. "I need to tell you something."

Setting the bag to the side, Dean shifted to face Sam with careful eyes. "Okay, go ahead."

Sam licked his lips nervously, "When I saw you with her, with that... Mary... I was on my way home and I heard noises so I stopped to see what it was. You..." Sam swallowed and looked down at where his hand rested on Dean's thigh. "You had her," his voice softened, "pressed up against the wall of the shed, her... hands... were all over you, sliding down your back, your ass, tucking into your pockets," his voice faltered a little and he _tried_ to look up at Dean, wanted an idea of what Dean was thinking but he wouldn’t be able to stand it if he saw confusion or worse there. "I wanted to be her... well, not _her_ but I wanted it to be me that was with you." He rushed the last words out, fingers curling up against Dean's thigh. "I... I... was crying that night in bed, because I realized that I would never have that." Sam withdrew his hand and bit down hard on his bottom lip. "It was the last time you... we... in bed... you never came back again and I thought maybe - somewhere in your mind you knew that I was wrong somehow, or... or fucked up and that was why you never did it again." Sam took a deep breath, afraid to let Dean say anything. "I was too young to realize that it just wasn't _right_ , it made sense that you shouldn't be doing that."

He shifted nervously and ran a hand over the bandage on his head, wincing slightly. "I spent the last ten years making it go away; making myself _just_ your brother. I couldn't be with you otherwise, couldn't be there at your back when you needed me." His hands were clenched into fists in his lap, knuckles whitening under the strain. "So - I don't know... what to do... I want what you said you had, but I'm not whoever that other... Sam was... I'm the same one that's always been here, the same one that you didn't..." he frowned realizing his thoughts were all over the place. He looked up, finally unable to resists Dean's eyes any longer. "You didn't want me - like _that_ \- before you went to the other Sam. How do I know that things won't change?"

Sighing softly, Dean reached out and took Sam's hands in his. "Sam... I _did_ want you like that before. I buried it pretty deep, only thought about late at night when I could hide in the dark and pretend I didn't. Why else would the curse have made that world for me? It's my deepest; my most sincere want and wish, to be with you. Can't you see that?" He dipped his head, trying to look into Sam's eyes. "And you are _exactly_ like that other Sam. The curse just provided a bit of a back story for how we got together but... that Sam... he... he told me. About you seeing me with Mary, about how that was when you realized..." Dean shrugged slightly. "Not sure how I knew that already but well... I did."

Chewing thoughtfully on his bottom lip, Sam stared into Dean's eyes. He could always tell when Dean was telling the truth. He smiled softly, "maybe there," he shrugged a shoulder, "was a little bit of magic in the curse after all." He slipped his hand slowly back over Dean's thigh, heart beat speeding up almost immediately. It felt like an entire lifetime of learning how to hide his feelings would just melt away and it was frightening. "It will... it'll be hard... and, I won't get it right a lot."

"And you think I will?" Dean snorted and shook his head. Shifting slightly, he let his hand fall over Sam's arm, trailing up until his fingers curled around his brother's shoulder. "We'll take it at your pace okay? You'll just have to tell me when to stop or whatever since... well..." He lifted his shoulder and dropped it slowly. Considering Sam's hand on him for a moment, he shifted forward slightly. "Can I... kiss you?" He looked up at Sam slowly, hesitating on Sam's lips before lifting to his eyes.

Sam nodded, not trusting his voice.

Dean shifted even closer, until their hips rested side by side. He slid his hand slowly up from Sam's shoulder, along the tight lines of his neck, slipping it around the back of his head and curling his fingers in silky hair. Eyes lingering on Sam's lips, Dean traced a slow line across his lips, leaning in as he brought Sam forward. His breath quickened the closer they came together and Dean's eyes slid closed. Tilting his head slightly, Dean brushed his lips gently along Sam's, pulling back centimeters before dipping in once more. His tongue traveled the gentle arc of Sam's upper lip, around the bottom before he pulled it back; let this lips brush together with a little more pressure.

It was overwhelming, Sam's breath shuddered out of his chest and a small sob escaped his lips. _So long_. He lifted shaking hands to rest on Dean's chest, the flesh warm, smooth except for the slightly raised scars. It took a few moments for Sam to move his mouth; his lips slid gently against his brother's, warm, soft. He parted his lips tentatively, body shuddering with finally-acknowledged desire. Fingernails digging into the tender flesh of Dean's chest, Sam let his tongue dart out tentatively and ran it along his brother's bottom lip.

A quick gasp left Dean's mouth, traveled into Sam's, when his brother's tongue touched his lips. Dean pushed his own tongue forward, meeting Sam's and sliding them together. His fingers tightened in Sam's hair as he brought them more solidly together. Sam's hands were like fire on his skin and Dean wanted so much more it took all of him to not simply pin the man back and take him. "Sam..." he mumbled into the kiss, his other hand sliding down his brother's shoulder, along his chest, coming to rest on his thigh.

Sam pulled back, letting his lips fall away from Dean's. He was struggling to breathe normally, trying not to let his brother know how much his touch was affecting him. "I... I need to stop... I want..." Sam's body was trembling uncontrollably and he lurched forward against Dean, wrapping his arms around his brother's shoulders and pulling him close. Squeezing his eyes shut, Sam buried his face into Dean's neck feeling tears of relief well up and spill out of his eyes.

Curling his arms around Sam, Dean settled his head into the curve of his brother's neck. "It's okay." He said softly, pressing a kiss to the flesh before sighing softly. It felt so good to have Sam in his arms; Dean felt he could hold him forever. Shifting a little awkwardly, Dean managed to turn his body and stretch his legs out beside Sam's. He slid them down on the bed, laying them back against the mattress and pillows. A hand came up to slid across Sam's hair, skipping on the bandage slightly.

"M'sorry," Sam mumbled against the smooth skin of his brother's neck, "s'just..." it was too much after all that time, all those years - and suddenly Sam was sent careening back through time and he was sixteen and lost all over again.

"Hey," Dean pulled back slightly to stare into his brother's hazel eyes. "Don't worry, one thing at a time okay? I... I can wait. For however long it takes." He smiled softly and thumbed Sam's lower lip. He leaned forward slightly and - in an act of tenderness Dean knew would most likely surprise his brother for how unlike him it was - brushed one kiss along both cheeks, on his forehead, against each eyelid as they fluttered closed, and finally on the edge of each side of his mouth.

Sam smiled, relaxing into his brother's arms as his eyelids grew heavy again. He frowned slightly above his smile when Dean was so gentle, it was achingly tender. "Dean..." Sam's voice was soft, full of emotion. But, he was so tired, his head hurt and things were all feeling a little... strange... off-kilter. "Dean…" he muttered and darkness washed over him again.

Dean chuckled softly as he shifted to once more lay beside his brother. _Guess I broke him_ , he thought with a warm smile and pressed a final kiss to Sam's temple.

-=-=-=-

The Styrofoam containers of food smelt so good, Dean wasn't sure he was going to be able to wait much longer to eat. He hadn't had a proper meal in days and he was starving. "Sam?" He said softly as he came over to the bed side, rubbing his brother's shoulder softly. He'd slept most of the day and they really needed to try and get back on a normal sleep pattern. "Sammy? C'mon, wake up."

Yawning, Sam shifted and grabbed Dean's hand and tugged on it - trying to get Dean to lie down on the bed. "C'mere."

Dean's eyes flickered over to the food before he dropped down on the bed beside Sam with a sigh. "Okay but there's dinner and it's hot and smells _really_ good."

Sam slipped sleep-warm arms around his brother's waist and pulled him close. "You'd rather have food, than this?" He smiled without opening his eyes. The longer he stayed asleep the longer he could put off dealing with his feelings, his future... and everything else. He nosed his way into the neck of Dean's t-shirt and pressed a soft open-mouthed kiss there.

"Mmm no I'd rather have this but I'm not gonna have any energy for it if I don't eat." He chuckled as he pulled Sam up. "You need food; you'll never get better without it." He detangled himself from his brother and climbed off the bed, heading for the table. "Besides, you're gonna have to wake up and face the real world eventually."

Sighing, Sam pushed up out of bed. "It smells good," he stretched his arms up and moved slowly to the table, sat down and pulled one of the containers forward. "What's mine? Is there soda?" He grinned, "And can we take the bandage off today? It itches."

"Sure, after we eat I'll look at it." Dean pushed a container toward Sam and pulled a large fountain drink from the carrier. "So I was thinking..." he dropped down into the seat and tugged his food closer, stuffing several large bites into his mouth and speaking around it.”If we leave tomorrow morning we could be at the Grand Canyon by Friday. Spend the weekend there?"

Sam stuffed a plastic fork full of noodles into his mouth, "What's the sudden interest in the Grand Canyon?" Sam shifted in his seat and put his feet up on the edge of Dean's chair, tucking his toes under Dean's warm thigh. "Cold feet," he mumbled through his food, smiling shyly.

Dean smiled and shifted to cover more of Sam's feet. "Well, I just... we've never been?" Dean shrugged. "And in my... when I was... we had pictures. Of us there. And you looked really happy so I thought maybe having a little vacation would make you happy... we don't have to go if you don't want too." He stuffed more food in his mouth, staring down at it.

Smiling, Sam paused with his fork halfway to his mouth, "okay, I'd like that." He put some more noodles in his mouth and chewed slowly. Sam put his fork down gently and took a sip of soda. "Dean - you... “ he looked down at his food, "you know I'm not _him_ right? I mean, I don't want you to be... disappointed. Maybe I'll be different... or things won't work out the same way." He sucked his bottom lip into his mouth.

"What? No Sam... you're not... I mean, you are, but you aren't. And I know that," Dean shrugged. "I just... I can't see why we can't have some of that. I mean, I never remembered the trip to the Grand Canyon with that Sam, and I only heard the story of how we came to be, but I... I want us to have... our own story. And I want to be part of it, not just hear about it." He smiled softly and reached out to touch Sam's for a moment. "You know, I want to build our own romance." His eyes widened slightly. "Man, that curse had some lingering affect on me."

Trying not to laugh, Sam turned away slightly and poked around in his container of noodles. He started eating again, keeping a watch on Dean out of the corner of his eye. Maybe a holiday was a good idea; it could help Sam shake out of the fugue that had settled over him. He believed every word his brother said; Sam had never doubted Dean. But... Sam was taking a big risk stepping outside the safe place he had created for himself. He was opening himself up to a world of hurt if things didn't work out. Hell - he might even lose his brother. Suddenly, Sam didn't feel like eating anymore. "I'm... I'm full - I'm gonna have a shower, can I wash my hair?"

"Let me see," Dean pushed up out of the chair and carefully undid the bandage, parting the hair to check out the area. It looked slightly swollen but not too bad. Dean was relieved to see the stitches were the kind that dissolved after time. "Yeah you should be okay," he nodded and leaned down to kiss the area just below the stitches. "You okay?"

Sam pulled away a little and reached up to scratch the back of his neck. "What? Yeah, fine - I'm just..." _really scared for the first time in my life,_ "I just need a shower - where are those pain pills?" He folded his arms across his chest and looked around the room.

Dean stared at him for a moment before walking silently across the room and snatching up the bottle from the nightstand. When he returned to Sam's side he set the bottle on the table in front of him. "You're a little... all over the place." Dean noted as he dropped into the chair he'd previously occupied and twirled the fork in the container around the remaining food.

"I'm good..." Sam started toward the bathroom then stopped hand on the door frame, eyes fixed on the wall ahead of him, "truth?"

"Please," Dean nodded, spinning in his chair to face Sam.

"I'm a bit fucked up," Sam didn't turn to face his brother. "I'm scared shitless that this... that we... " Sam's fingers curled tighter around the door frame. "I'm _scared_ that this will just turn into something that goes bad and ends up with me losing you. And before you even say it, I know you'll say that we'll always be brothers and all that but this is a big thing." He managed to turn and lean against the door frame so Dean could see his face. "I want nothing, _nothing_ more than to just do all these... things... the stuff that's been in my head all these years. The thing is Dean - you said you were gone for a month, yeah? Did you adjust to the... other Sam," he couldn't help the curl that his lip moved into, "in the first few hours you were there? Were you scared? Did you want to get out? 'Cause that's pretty much where I'm at." Sam stepped back into the bathroom and moved to close the door, "when I'm touching you, when I kiss... when... it's like I forget all the things that could go wrong. And then - we're sitting - having dinner like we have a million times before and you're _my brother_. My _brother_ , Dean." Sam smiled sadly and closed the bathroom door behind him.

Dean blinked at the door for a few moments before pushing up and crossing toward it, laying his hand on the surface as if that could connect him to Sam. His forehead rested against the wood and spoke to it softly. "Sure I felt all those things, but... well, the other you didn't really let me pull in on myself. Sam... I know, I understand why you're scared of what can happen, but you should know, you’re _it_ for me. You're all I want, all I'll ever want. So this thing, this us, as far as I'm concerned, it's the only thing I want." He sighed softly. "But... I'm not going to push you, I promise. I'm not going anywhere; I'll wait as long as it takes."

Sam leaned his cheek against the bathroom door, listening to Dean's words. Of course, Dean said all the right things, he always did. Sam stepped away from the door and started to undress; knowing Dean was still standing outside the door. He leaned in and turned the shower on, then whispered softly "What if I can't do it? What then?" He ran his hand over his face and climbed into the tub letting the hot water flood over his face.

Dean stood against the door the entire time the water ran, not moving until the shower turned off. The last thing he wanted was to freak Sam out even more. Crossing slowly to the bed, Dean sank down on the edge and rested his elbows on his thighs, head in his hands. At some point he thought this might get easier, though right now he couldn't imagine how that could possibly happen. It felt like every step forward was ten steps back and there was no way Dean was ever going to catch up. His heart ached, though the feeling was so typical of the last few days, Dean didn't even know why he felt surprised. When the door opened he sucked back tears, working quickly to compose himself so not to upset Sam.

Walking into the room wasn't easy. Sam was rubbing a towel on his wet hair, catching glimpses of Dean as his hair flipped back and forth in front of his yes. He stopped a few feet away from Dean, hung the towel around his neck and threw his duffel up on the bed. For once, most of his clothes were clean so he managed to get dressed fairly quickly without having to do the sniff-test on everything. He flopped down on his belly on the unmade bed, staring at Dean. "You okay?"

"No, but that's okay," Dean smiled briefly at him before pushing up. "I... should take a shower too." He rubbed at his hair and crossed to his duffel bag to sort through his clothes.

"No - like how are you not okay?" Sam was starting at his brother as he pulled clothes out of his bag.

Dean sighed and turned slightly in his crouch to look over his shoulder at Sam. "Like I just want to hold you and kiss you and..." he gestured vaguely with his hand. "But I know you need time and I don't want to make this any harder for you than it already is."

Sam swallowed. "What do you want me to do?" It wasn't meant to be an accusation, more of a genuine question.

"Nothing," Dean pushed up and tucked his hands in his pockets. "I've accepted that you need time Sam, it's just, you know, hard for me. So..." he shrugged not even sure what he was trying to say.

"Okay," Sam pushed up off the bed and grabbed his jacket, "I'm gonna go out for a while," he grabbed his phone off the table and held it up, "got my phone this time." He slipped his arms into his jacket and pulled it on.

"Where are you going?" Dean asked a frown down on his lips.

"Just... just for a walk," Sam combed his fingers through his damp hair, "I'll be back, I promise."

Dean's mind flashed to them on the beach, wrapped around each other, laughing in the spray of sea salt. "Oh." He swallowed, nodded, and turned from Sam. "Okay, be safe."

-=-=-=-

It took Sam about an hour to get back to the room; he hadn't intended to be gone that long and knew that Dean would probably be worried. It had just turned out to be a bit harder to find what he was looking for than he'd thought it would be. He opened the motel room door with his key and pushed the door open with his hip, he had a large plastic bag and two coffees. "Dean... could you take these?" Sam nodded at the coffees.

Dean pushed off the bed he'd been sitting on and crossed silently toward Sam, taking the coffees and glancing curiously at the bag. "Good walk?"

Nodding, Sam put the bag down on the table as he shrugged out of his jacket. "My coffee has cream in it - you wanna open them up?" He picked up the plastic bag again and moved over to sit cross-legged on the bed, the bag at his side. "Come sit with me?" There was a slight smile on his lips.

Popping off the top from both coffee cups, Dean lifted the darkest one to his lips, sipping from it slowly before carrying them over to Sam and sitting by him. He looked with stronger interest at the bag and then back at his brother, holding out the man's coffee.

Sam looked up from under his lashes at Dean. "So - I got you some things." He reached into the bag and pulled out a photo album and handed it to Dean, then reached in again and pulled out a small box that contained a digital camera. "They’re... for our trip." He smiled shyly and dipped his hand back into the bag again and pulled out a book about the Grand Canyon, "so we know where we're going." Sam pilled the book on the camera in Dean's arms. "And... this is just for you..." he reached in the bag one last time and pulled out a rose. "It's sappy and I know you'll hate it - but I wanted you to believe that - I'm going to try." He held the rose out to Dean - realizing too late that his brother's arms were full. "I may have overdone it a little." He tried to blow his hair out of his eyes and shrugged.

Something sort of weird happened with Dean's heart, somewhere between a lurch and the skip of a beat. He swallowed thickly and pushed up from the bed, setting the photo album and the camera on the bed, taking Sam's coffee and his own and setting them on the nearest hard surface. Finally he took the rose from Sam's hands and laid it across the album and knelt between his brother's legs. Hands moved to slide along each side of Sam's head, pulling him gently in as he leaned up and brushed their lips together in a soft sweep of lips. Another pass and he deepened the kiss, swiping his tongue along the line of Sam's lips, silently asking for permission.

 _God,_ Sam hoped that at some point in time he would be able to be touched by Dean without shaking. His lips parted of their own accord under the gentle touch of his brother's tongue. Instead of pushing Dean away, Sam let his fingers curl over his brother's shoulders as he leaned in to deepen the kiss. The movement of Dean's tongue, the warmth of his mouth sent little shocks down Sam's body. He pulled back after a few moments, gasped and pressed his forehead to Dean's "Whoa there Tiger." He panted a little, hands trembling on Dean's shoulders.

"Sorry," Dean smiled sheepishly at him and shifted back, moving over to pick up the photo album, staring at it with soft eyes. He thought of the pictures from before then shook his head. This wasn't then. This was something _new_. His memories, his _real_ memories. Dean fiddled with the box, pulling out the digital camera and turning it slowly between his fingers. "How does it...?" He asked softly, hitting the button on the top and watching the camera come to life. He held it up; aiming the lens at Sam and watching his image come across the preview screen. A bright grin tugged up his lips and he snapped the shot. "Awesome."

"I can tell this is going to be really annoying," but there was s smile on his face. "Come over here." Sam smiled and held out his hand.

Dean turned the camera off and set it back on the bed, crawling back over to Sam and sitting back on his heels. "Thank you. I... love them. Everything." He smiled softly at his brother and scratched absently at the side of his face.

Sam reached over and grabbed the camera, "let's do the first picture for the book." He smiled at Dean, peering through the hair that hung over his eyes. Sam patted the bed beside him as he turned the camera on. He waited until Dean got up onto the bed and wrapped one arm around his brother, pulled him close and held the camera out with the other arm to take a photo. He got the photo on the screen and handed it to Dean, "how's that for a new start?"

"It's... perfect." Dean swallowed thickly, momentarily consumed with the love he had for his brother. Just as Sam pressed his finger down for another shot, he turned his head and pressed a firm kiss to his cheek. Pulling back he let his eyes drift closed and rested his forehead against Sam's temple. "I love you Sam," he breathed and the corner of his lip tugged up when the flash of the camera registered past his closed eyes.

Grinning, Sam flipped the camera around again and looked at the pic. "I like it." He rubbed Dean's back a little then hooked his fingers over his belt. "So, when are you taking me on our holiday? I could use a rest - you know - what with you trying to knock me out and all."  
He grinned, "by the way - if you _ever_ tell anyone that you knocked me out with a kiss - I'll deny it."

Chuckling softly Dean shook his head, "No, I don't think I'll be telling anyone. I thought we could leave tomorrow, make a slow drive of it." He grinned and ruffled Sam's hair under his palm. "We could see some other things too if you want, go to the ocean? You know... there's no rush to get back to hunting."

"Really?" Sam's eyes widened, "you lie - you'll miss it. Before we know it - you'll be surfin' the web looking for a job." Sam never missed it. Sam hunted because it meant he could be with Dean all the time. Dean hunted because he was _meant_ to be a hunter. Somewhere deep inside, in that special place he kept wishes for him and Dean, Sam wanted a very different life; maybe a small place of their own somewhere, a garage for Dean to work in, a workshop for Sam to... make things in.

Dean shrugged, reclining back on the bed, "You know, in my mind I haven't been hunting in almost a month and a half and... maybe you don't believe me but I don't miss it." He tilted his head and looked at Sam. "I feel like... I don't know. I guess I never realized how great life could be not hunting. But I see it in a different light now. It wouldn't be so bad, not hunting. Maybe if Bobby needed some help we could, or if I got an itch to take something out, but... I'd like to have a place to call home. You deserve that, _we_ deserve that." He picked at the bed spread and didn't meet his brother's eyes.

Sam stilled Dean's fingers with his hand. "Okay, so - we'll take a break and see how it goes." Sam's fingers moved over Dean's, sliding down between them and curling under into his brother's palm. "I want to leave tomorrow." Sam's ducked his head a little, until Dean had to look into his eyes. "If that's still okay... and I really want to go to the ocean afterward."

"Sounds fantastic," Dean nodded and bit on his lip. He slid forward slightly, leaning in to press his lips to Sam's but breaking off and dropping his head to Sam's shoulder instead. He breathed in the rich scent of his brother and smiled against the fabric. "We'll leave in the morning."

"So what are we gonna do with the rest of our day?" Sam tugged on Dean's belt, "want to go for a walk? Nap? Shop? Bowling? Eat?" He thought for a few moments, "that's all I got."

Dean arched an eyebrow and pushed up. "You want to bowl?" He chuckled softly. "You always complained about those smelly shoes you return. Said they ruined your natural prettiness or something."

Sam's jaw dropped, "I _never_ said that... and if I _did_ it wouldn't be true because there's nothing that can take away from my natural prettiness." He grinned and squeezed his brother's hand. "I guess, I want _you_ to choose something _you_ want to do..." his smile faded a little, "you never do that."

Shrugging softly, Dean reached out to touch Sam's arm. "Well, getting out would be nice. How about a movie?" He smiled and once more leaned forward as if to kiss Sam before dropping back. He really needed to step back and just... figure out how to fight back the urge. He needed to take a breather from the closeness. "And a walk, maybe dinner. It's like an official date." He grinned, the action dimming slightly as the words left his mouth.

Sam's arm whipped up to grab the back of Dean's neck and he pulled him forward to crush their lips together. He parted his lips and his tongue darted out, slipping past Dean's lips into the heat of his mouth. Sam moaned softly as the now-familiar tremble started in his arms, he leaned into Dean, fingers curling into the material of his brother's shirt, fumbling as he tried to get closer and nearly slipping off the bed. He felt clumsy, like his arms and legs weren't working properly and he keened softly, trying to get closer.

Dean groaned and curled his arms around Sam's body, pulling him in close. He opened his mouth to his brother, tongues sliding together. Shifting them together, Dean slid back on the bed, pulling Sam up into his lap to get the best angle. His fingers curled up into Sam's hair, tangling the silky locks in his grasp. Dragging his teeth along the lower lip, Dean pulled back slightly, bringing the flesh with him.

Sam puffed out a breath and then tried to recapture Dean's mouth, "Dean?" He murmured; he didn't understand why his brother had pulled back again.

"You..." Dean panted slightly and pressed forward again, tucking Sam's legs around his back so their chests molded together. His tongue thrust into Sam's mouth and he circled around the heat. Pulling back again he gasped, "we should... I don't know." He leaned in for more.

"Stop?" Sam licked Dean's bottom lip, long, slow, tasting every inch, then slanted his mouth over his brother's once more. As his lips moved against Dean's he shifted closer and moaned as he felt his brother's hardness against his crotch. He pulled back, panting, the shock of it making everything a little too real. "I... whoa..." he shifted back a little never looking away from Dean's eyes. He licked his lips, waiting, letting his heart slow a little, and breathing through the fear that was rushing through him. "Don't... don't move for a minute…" he whispered.

"Uh okay," Dean trailed his lip between his teeth and watched Sam with lust laced eyes.

"S..Sorry," Sam shifted closer, slipping his arms around Dean's shoulders and pressing into his hard body. "You feel good," he whispered against his brother's ear.

Dean swallowed and slowly shifted his hips, sucking in a breath as the burn of his crotch slid against Sam's body. "Yeah, yeah... you do too." He nodded and let his hands slide down Sam's side.

Sam just breathed in Dean's scent, the freshly washed hair, the familiar smell of his canvas bag on his clothes, all the things he had always noticed but never really paid attention to. Turning he head slowly, Sam ran his lips down the curve of Dean's ear then rubbed back and forth a few times over his ear lobe.

"Sammy..." he whispered and moved his hips in another roll and tilted his head to the side. Dean was going to go crazy. Either Sam had to climb off him and allow Dean a moment to calm himself - or head to the bathroom and jack off - or something was going to happen. His hands settled on Sam's thighs, rubbing in soft, slow circles.

Sam's heart was beating quickly, _this was Dean, his Dean_. He shifted back a little, and ghosted his lips across Dean's forehead, down along his temple and his cheek. He pressed one gentle kiss on Dean's cheek then moved on again, lips drifting over his brother's strong jaw line and down his neck. Sam loved the feel of Dean's skin and every scar and dent, his stubble. Leaning in, he sucked gently on Dean's neck and ran his tongue over the warm flesh.

Several rapid swallows and Dean let his head fall back to grant him more access. "Sam..." he whispered, fingers shifting up Sam's thighs to his hips, around his back and ghosting under the hem of his brother's shirt. His fingers splayed across the skin, pushing up slowly. He could overpower Sam if he wanted too, but he didn't. He wanted Sam at his pace, even if it was going to make his mind explode.

Rubbing his cheek against Dean's was rough, good, and Sam smiled even as his eyes drifted closed. Sam trailed kisses across Dean's cheek, the corner of his mouth and then licked his way back into Dean's warmth. He tilted his head slightly, parting his lips and kissed Dean, _kissed_ his brother. He poured his heart into it, tongue teasing between Dean's lips then sweeping shyly around his mouth.

Moaning around Sam's tongue in his mouth, Dean's hand trailed back down. He kept his eyes closed as just the tips of his fingers brushed along the edge of Sam's waist band. He kept his hips still despite the pressing heat and need. Moving half inch by half inch, Dean pressed his first three fingers just under Sam's waist band, preparing to pull them back the moment Sam's shoulders tensed.

Sam pulled his lips away from Dean's and stared into his brother's green eyes. Dean's breath was warm on Sam's lips and he swallowed and sucked in a breath. He smiled and loosened his grip on Dean's neck, brought his hands forward and slid them up to his brother's hair. It was softer than he expected, Sam ran his fingers through his brother's hair, over the sensitive skin on the back of Dean's neck then down over his shoulders. Sam shuffled back a little, fingers tentatively slipping under the bottom of Dean's t-shirt; he pulled it up a little then spoke softly, "can I... take it off?"

Dean silently lifted his arms, chest rising and falling shakily as Sam dragged the material up and over his head before tossing it across the room. Dragging his tongue across his lips to pull in the taste of Sam, Dean curled his own fingers around the hem of Sam's shirt. He looked at Sam in question, waiting for his gentle nod before pulling the cloth up. With the slide of fabric he trailed his knuckles along Sam's skin, lips pressing together in consideration of Sam's exposed flesh.

Sam shrugged, "okay?" He knew Dean has seen him without his shirt on about a million times, but it was suddenly completely different. He wasn't even sure what he was asking Dean; _do I look okay? Is it okay that I did this? Are we okay?_ "same as... him?" there was no malice in his question, no jealousy, just innocent curiosity.

"Better," Dean said softly, brushing their lips together. "Because you're real. And that's what's most important." He studied his brother's eyes, tracing the tips of his fingers along the man's skin. "I love you Sam." He enjoyed saying it more then he probably should but that was okay, Sam could get used to hearing it.

Sam felt a flush crawl up on to his cheeks "I..." he pressed his lips together and instead of speaking he leaned closer, slowly, until he could feel the heat of Dean's chest. It was surprisingly difficult for Sam to close the distance between them. It felt like... crossing a line, one of those lines that you don't come back from. As his eyes drifted down over Dean's chest, he let his hands follow, fingers grazing over the skin lightly, barely touching. Sam's long fingers traced a scar that ran down from Dean's collar bone and ended just above his nipple. "What's that one from?" He whispered, flush creeping down his neck.

"Remember your senior year?" Dean asked softly, dipping forward and pressing soft kisses along Sam's neck. "When dad and I went away for two weeks in March, there was this hunt." Dean trailed his lips up to Sam's jaw line, working along the firm bone. "Was stupid, I didn't notice the thing hurling something at me. Caught it with my chest." He swallowed before sucking the ear lobe into his mouth. "I've told you this before haven't I? Thought you knew all my scars," he breathed into Sam's ear before traveling once more down Sam's neck with his lips.

"Y..Yeah, you... have..." Sam's voice faded away to nothing and his head fell to the side slightly, giving Dean more room. His fingers slid further down, rubbing back and forth over Dean's nipple before slipping down to his ribs. "Just buying..." he gasped as Dean's lips made it to his collar bone, "a little time."

Dean pulled back slightly, eyeing Sam, before kissing lower down Sam's body, nudging his brother with his head to get him to lean back into his arms. "You need more time?" He asked with a whisper as he tilted his head and sucked along the flesh, pulling blood to the surface and leaving a circle where his lips had been. His palm flattened along Sam's back, holding him firm as his other hand came forward and fingers rolled over Sam's nipple, pinching softly.

" _God_ ," Sam unconsciously arched away from Dean, it felt _too_ good. "I thought... I... didn't you want a... walk?" He gasped in a breath and leaned heavily on Dean's hand. "I need to..." he swallowed then slid back off Dean's thighs and stood, swaying slightly. "I want to..." he gestured towards the bed.

"Uh huh," Dean nodded and pushed up, looking between Sam and the bed. "What do you want?" He asked, voice husky, stepping forward so he could feel Sam's heat radiating off him in waves. He reached out and ghosted his fingers along Sam's flesh. "Name it. Anything. I'll give it you."

Running a hand through his hair Sam laughed softly and then nervously stuffed his hands in his pockets. "I'd just like..." he took a step back, "to lie down for a while." He licked his lips and moved around to the other side of the bed, looked up and realized Dean wasn't moving; "I meant…" he cleared his throat, "with you." He yanked a hand out of his pocket and scratched his forehead. "I mean, if that's okay, because I don't know how much..." and his voice was gone again. He stared at Dean waiting for him to say something.

Nodding again, Dean stepped toward the bed and silently crawled onto it, lying on his back and opening his arms as a silent invitation for his brother. "Like I said, anything you want. I promised to take it at your pace and I'm not going back on that." He smiled softly and looked up at Sam expectantly. "Come on, no pressure okay?"

Nodding, Sam sat down on the bed then turned and shifted closer to Dean. It was weird. Sam had never put this much thought into _how_ to touch someone before. Being with woman was easy, Sam fell into it naturally. Scooting closer, Sam rested across Dean's body, kind of like he had the night before while they were sleeping. Resting his head on Dean's arm, he ran his hands across Dean's belly, fingers dipping under the edge of Dean's waist band. Sam smiled when his brother's stomach fluttered under his touch.

Catching his lower lip between his teeth, Dean stared up at Sam and watched his shaky movements. He could tell Sam was nervous, which made him a little sad. If anything Sam should feel more comfortable with him than anyone else, but he supposed he could understand. After all, it was unlikely Sam felt this way about anyone else before. This thing between them, it was more intense than anything else. It ran deeper than blood. It was almost who they were, never complete without the other. He let his fingers hover over Sam's shoulder, resting there and waiting for what came next.

Letting his hand settle on Dean's belly, Sam tilted his chin up to look at Dean. "Look... I know... I keep freaking out... but..." his eyes darted away. "But... you can touch me too." He smiled and licked his lips. "I like it," his blush darkened, "in case you hadn't noticed." He laughed softly, feeling a little more like himself.

"Okay," Dean nodded and let his hand slide down Sam's chest, palm hovering over his heart, down to his nipple. He applied just the slightest pressure and sat up slightly. "Can I... lay you back?"

"I'm not going to break, Dean." Sam grinned. _I might just blow apart - that's all._

"Oh you never know," Dean smirked and laid his brother back on the bed. He shifted for the best angle, stretching his legs out so he could half lean on Sam's chest. Lips traveled over burning flesh and he spent some time mapping out the expanse of Sam's chest with bites and licks. He savored the taste of Sam along his skin, working his way down to his navel. Letting his tongue circle around the belly button, he glanced up at Sam under his lashes before dipping in and out. A grin tugged up his lips and he bit the fleshy patch of skin above Sam's waist line. His fingers danced across Sam's side, settling over the button. "And can I...?"

"Yeah..." Sam shifted a little, taking a deep breath and relaxing as much as he could. "Guess this isn't new for you, huh?" His skin was still tingling where Dean had nipped his flesh. He bit down on his bottom lip, he really wanted to not care about Dean's _other_ world but he couldn't help it.

Dean kissed above the jeans again. "It is, in its own way. You've never... _we've_ never..." He worked the button slowly between his fingers, popping it open before dragging down the zipper. "This is _our_ first time. And it's more special than anything that went on in my head." He smiled as he pushed up and lifted Sam's hips to drag down the long line of his legs. This time he crawled between Sam's, touching Sam's hipbones through the boxers. Bending down slowly he let his lips graze along Sam's hard length through the material, nuzzling softly.

Sam sucked in a sharp breath and his hips snapped forward, "s..s..sorry." He smiled and pushed up on his elbows, watching Dean's face, his movements as though he could commit everything to memory, soak it up. It lasted until Dean's mouth grazed over his shaft again and his arms collapsed dumping him back onto the mattress. His fingers reached out and settled in Dean's hair, loving the feel of the silky curls. He'd never noticed that Dean's hair was curly before. "I think you should, take your jeans off," Sam looked up, brushing the hair off his face, "you know -it would be fair." There was a crooked grin on his face.

Climbing off the bed once more, Dean's fingers made quick work of the fastens and he slid off the denim. He was tempted to tug off his boxers as well but figured they'd get to that at some point. He moved back up Sam's body, this time all the way up to his lips. Dean dipped in for a long kiss, sliding their tongues together in slow, teasing circles. He moaned softly into the kiss, letting their hips grind together.

It was hot, and sexy, and pretty much better than anything else Sam had ever felt. He shoved Dean back gently until he was lying on his back and smiled down at him. He shrugged and leaned down, running his tongue along his brother's bottom lip. He leaned down, and flicked his tongue across Dean's nipple, looked up and smiled at the red blush creeping along under Dean's freckles. Letting his weight settled half across Dean's chest, Sam lowered his mouth, lips barely touching the small nub of flesh, and then sucking it gently.

A low moan fell from Dean's lips and he shifted up into the touch. His hand came up to tangle in Sam's hair, curling around the familiar strands. Dean kept his eyes fixated on his brother, watching each movement. Lips parted in a soft gasp, his heart thudded heavily in his chest. "Sam..." he whispered the name, wetting his lips and smiling at the familiar taste of his brother on his lips.

Resting his chin on Dean's chest, Sam stared at his brother's face. As their eyes met, Sam slid his hand down Dean's chest, across his abs and under the waistband of his boxers. His fingers slid under Dean's hard shaft and rested there, watching the emotions flitting across his brother face.

Sucking in a sharp breath, Dean stared down at Sam. Their eyes locked and held that way and Dean tried to keep from thrusting his hips up into Sam's touch. His throat worked as he swallowed hard and bit down on his lower lip.

Licking his lips, Sam pulled his arm back slightly and slid his fingers down over Dean's rigid shaft. A shiver ran through Sam's body, the heat of his brother's hardness, the glazed look of his eyes; Sam reached his free hand up and traced Dean's bottom lip; he let his fingers trail down over Dean's chin, resting his hand over his brother's neck.

"Jesus," Dean moaned, head tilting back into the pillow as his eyes slid closed. For whatever the reason this one touch was better than all the thousand others he had with the not real Sam, in the not real world. Dean arched his hips up slightly, eager for more.

Running one finger up Dean's length, Sam finally turned his head, letting his lips move slowly across Dean's chest. Curling his fingers around Dean's swollen shaft, Sam nipped his brother's hot flesh just above his ribs. Moving his hand up and down, the way he liked it himself, he licked his way down Dean's body. Shifting his hips, Sam slid down resting his cheek against his brother's hip, warm breath ghosting over the tiny hairs on Dean's belly.

Dean never thought he could be turned on by such a small thing but this was rapidly changing that thought in his mind. "Sam," he moaned the name, rolled it over his tongue in time with the shift of his hips. His fingers in Sam's hair tightened. The free hand came up to slide along any inch of Sam's skin that he could reach, finally settling on his arm and squeezing the muscle. "Wanna... touch you... too." He breathed, lifting his head to look down at Sam.

A shy smile grew on Sam's lips and he pulled himself back up and pressed into Dean's side. He hadn't realized how turned on he was until his crotch connected firmly with Dean's hip and a moan slid out of his mouth. He couldn't stop moving his hands over Dean's chest, the curves, the scars; he loved the way that his brother's muscles reacted to his touch, rippling and tensing.

Dean shoved off his boxers with the lift of his hips, needing them both to be naked so their skin could press and flush together. His fingers curled in Sam's boxers and he tugged down, looking up at Sam to watch the emotions play across his features. When there was no sign that he was about to be stopped, he shifted to get a better hold on the material and lift over Sam's hard shaft, dragging down enough until Sam could kick out of them. Dean rolled back onto his side so he was facing Sam's body and let his fingers trail along his brother's flesh, hovering on the hipbone before sliding down and curling his fingers just along the base.

Sam's body jumped, it was like a shock, _over the line, no going back_ , he buried his face in Dean's neck, inhaling the familiar scent. His hand travelled back down Dean's side, moving over his hip and down, trailing his fingers through rough curls. Shifting his hips, he thrust forward a little, breathing hard against his brother's neck. Sam drew back, sliding his lips along Dean's jaw and capturing his thick bottom lip between his teeth. He tugged on it gently, hips shifting slightly, _fuck_ he wanted Dean to move his hand, he _wanted_ Dean to touch him, anywhere. As he leaned in to kiss his brother, to re-claim the heat of his mouth Sam's fingers curled around Dean's shaft, squeezing gently, then moving slowly up and down, rough palm grazing over the heat.

Thrusting his tongue forward against Sam's, Dean allowed his brother to set the pace, matching every stroke and slide, twist and squeeze. His chest rose and fell, heart thudding rapidly as he tried to keep control of his intense urge to slam the man back and fuck him into the mattress. It was pretty unlikely he'd last that long anyway. Already he could feel the beginning tendrils of his release sparking in him. Too many days with a half hard on, too much _almost_ , Dean was lucky he'd yet to lose his mind. Moaning heavily into Sam's mouth, he dragged his thumb along the slit at the tip, applying just the slightest pressure before squeezing his way back down to the base.

Moaning softly, letting his tongue move slowly around Dean's mouth, over his teeth; Sam let his fingers slip further down over Dean's balls, he pushed them gently against Dean's body, feeling the fullness, the heaviness. He bit down hard on Dean's lip, hips thrusting hard into his brother's hand as his blood raced through his body. He pulled back again, fumbling slightly, _need_ making him clumsy. Grasping his brother's hard length Sam twisted wrist, palm sliding, fingers wrapping ... he thrust his own hips forward, again and again, desire suddenly too much. Fucking his tongue into his brother's mouth, Sam could feel something unfolding inside him, heat, sensation, his hips rocked forward as his hand moved on his brother's cock.

Feeling Sam slowly coming apart was consuming Dean and his own thrusts forward seemed to match his brother's pace. He sped up his hand on Sam's shaft, losing pace with Sam. He let Sam thrust into mouth, opening his lips wider for the intrusion. Every part of Dean was coming undone and he squeezed his eyes tighter closed, and jerked. Suddenly it was too much, every sensation consuming him, and Dean lost it. His orgasm tore through him at blinding speed and he yanked his face away from Sam's so he could moan his brother's name, low and deep. White hot jets of pleasure shot out him, spilling across Sam's hand, along their skin, and somehow he still managed to keep his fist around Sam moving.

Sam cried out as his body reacted. The heat of Dean's hand, the feel of his release pulsing across Sam's hand sent a spike of need through his body. His hips shot forward, his orgasm rushing through him, and he came harder than he ever had. His cock pulsed and throbbed, it almost hurt and as he groaned through the waves of desire he bit down hard on Dean's shoulder, hand slipping up to grasp his brothers ass.

They lay together, panting, and Dean pressed a firm, closed mouth kiss to the spot right below Sam's stitches. His heart still raced, his body thrummed, and he pulled in deep breaths to try and even everything out. "Sam..." he murmured, gathering his brother in his arms and holding him close, not caring about the cooling release on their flesh.

Sam wasn't sure where it came from but he realized slowly that he was crying. And, it sunk in slowly, that maybe, _just maybe_ all those years of waiting had been worth it. Maybe this was real, and would last and Sam could have his brother, love him and things would be okay. He buried his face in Dean's hair trying hard to get a hold of himself.

Curling protectively tight arms around Sam, Dean pressed kisses along his flesh and held him tight. "It's okay," he said softly, sliding his leg between Sam's to bring them impossibly closer together. "I love you, that's all that matters." He whispered and chuckled softly, finally allowing himself to feel some of the happiness that being with Sam brought out in him.

Sam laughed through his tears, "s'not funny, dude." But he just tightened his arms around Dean and took a few deep breaths. "It's the head injury," Sam grinned into Dean's hair, but he wasn't letting go of him.

Dean snorted. "Weird, sometimes... it's just... weird." He sighed and decided not to try and explain it all to Sam. Didn't really matter in the long run anyway. He no longer missed that Sam, because this was his Sam. "Don't think I'm gonna be up for that walk... could go for a nap though... or round two..." he chuckled and squeezed Sam, enjoying the feel of their bodies together.

"You've always been weird," Sam finally relaxed his hold a little and rolled back so he could see his brother's face. "I'm sorry but I have to vote for the nap, and some pain medication,” he smiled warmly, “besides - you are taking me on holiday tomorrow right?" He pressed his lips against Dean's softly, slipping his arm over his brother's waist. He really could get used to this.


End file.
